Have You Ever Just Wanted To Sit Down So You Could Just Cry?

Yesterday was one of those days that I absolutely hate. No matter what you personally do, it seems to either (a) go wrong, (b) offend someone else, (c) become totally misunderstood, (d) crushes the last bit of restraint you normally have not to go running off in a puddle of tears. Yesterday, it seems like every bit of a,b,c, and d happened. Stephen, good guy he is, neglected to tell me that he had a massive headache. So, he was really out of sorts. Whereas I was having a agreeable day despite my headache and aches. We went to the store with his mother, and when it came time to purchase dessert, he just wanted to act pouty because his choice was not chosen. I tried to make other suggestions (like buy some cookies I know he likes... or a box of the pie slices I know he likes). But, my suggestions were not taken well. He was still upset as we got to the check out. One of the cashiers was trying to get us to move lines. I was paying attention to that and trying to get him to move, but missed his mother trying to get our attention. So, I got blasted on that one while I probably was being a jerk about the cashier wanting us to move (which he didn't notice until I pointed it out).

Upon getting home, I just wanted to chill out a little and not deal with anything. I marinated the meat for the cookout very early so it could have about 6 hours of soak time. And, I then JUST crashed. In the back of my mind, I knew that I was going to have to do something about the propane tank for the grill. You see, every time we've had a cookout recently, we run out of propane since we grill a lot of things for long periods of time (ie: Potato/Corn) and it is always a safe thing to have our backup tank filled. I had forgotten we were using the backup tank and needed to get an exchange. When I asked Stephen if he could do it before people got there at 6 pm (it was now a quarter til 2), he refused to commit. He said he might or might not be able to do that because "he was tired". If only he'd also said, "And I have a headache and don't feel good", I might not have taken offense. You see, during my chill time, I had dusted Jane's living room, cleaned a snake tank, hauled Stephen's stuff all over the house to their rightful locations, cleaned up downstairs to make it appear livable, worked on the chicken to prepare it for grilling, been infused with my medication (and that was one HARD infusion), and listened to my niece talk about some things she needed to get out of her head. Making the house presentable for the cookout was Jane's goal and she needed help. Having gas for the cookout was my goal... and I didn't get help. I got my keys and prepared to go get the tank myself... which got vetoed and Jane ended up driving me. I cried a good portion of the way there... and was majorly disoriented because of my headache by the time we got there. I will say, I got it together quickly and we got home within 15 minutes.

Having already started the crying jag, I decided to just cool off. I washed a kitchen knife, glass, and spoon in the sink. My reasoning? I figured get out of the way now is something I don't have to wash later! I thought it made sense. Not 10 minutes later, I looked over and I noticed Jane was cutting up something. I thought, "Is that the same knife I just cleaned?" I was just amazed that, out of all the knives in the drawer, that one keeps reappearing. Jane seemed to misunderstand my amazement and think I was trying to make some side point ranging from she was using a dirty knife (I cleaned it. I should know it ISN'T dirty!) to there was something wrong with her having used that knife (I don't care what knife gets used... I just found some humor that the turn around was THAT quickly. It must REALLY be her favorite knife!). That's when the waterworks really began to flow. I didn't know where I could go and just cry myself out. I thought about the bathroom... but the dog was taking up residence next to the toilet. I thought about Stephen's and my bedroom. But, I wanted to make sure not to bother Stephen and his area (hence avoided our bedroom). I decided to sit in the living room, tears streaming down my face, red-faced, facing the windows in the back. i figured my MIL and niece would be busy in the kitchen long enough for me to cry it out, get over it, and I'd be fine. When do plans ever work THAT neatly? They joined me in the living room after about 5 minutes and whereas I might have "fooled" my niece for awhile that I was crying, I didn't fool Jane. Then again, she didn't get up and walk away, either. She kept an eye on me to make sure I was "ok" and just kept talking with Katie while the cat and I cried and tried to get under control. Stephen came up and kissed the top of my head and said he loved me, which got me crying all over again. Poor cat ended up sopping wet and probably is the best crying towel in the world. But, she never left my side the whole crying jag. Silly cat! After 50 minutes, I finally got my emotions in check and was able to get up and finish pre-grilling prep. work. The result. We had a really good family cook-out. Just Jane, Bill, Stephen, Kristen, Mark, Katie, Betty Jane, and myself. We had two kinds of grilled chicken (Lemon Pepper and Southwest marinades), baked beans, macaroni salad, potato salad, a salad, deviled eggs, and mashed potatoes. For dessert, we had a key lime pie. Everyone except Stephen enjoyed their slice of pie. Later that night, as we were trying to drift off to sleep, Stephen apologized for being less than helpful and THEN explained he had a headache and didn't want to complain because it could possibly be as bad as the one I have been living with, in his opinion. I felt bad for him. I told him, all he needed to say was headache. There is not a person in this house who doesn't know how a headache makes you feel. We would have suggested he just chill out and to let us know if we could get him something to make his head feel better. But, no. My silly husband has to make it into a "Your headache is worse than mine, so I won't say anything about it." SIGH!

achy Power Picc User totally exhausted and OUT!