Today... It Is Just Another Day

Today is day 9 with little to no sleep. The doctor tells me that it is only a matter of time before I "kiss the dirt" and fall over. I just hope it isn't while eating soup.

What the HECK is a Rabbid?

WHAT THE HECK IS THAT THING? I love the game... but it looks like a bunny with a pink stomach. If it were a bunny, it would be a rabbit... not a rabbid. Can anyone explain this to me. I LOVE the game... the only Wii game you can play with your rear!!! And, disco dancing!!! Woooohoo!

I'm Cold Again!

No, really!! I'm cold!!! If the weather around the DC area would stop changing more often than my husband changes his underwear, maybe my body would have a chance to adjust. But, no... it's up. It's down. It's up again! ACK! I just want a regulated body temperature! My snake aquarium is more regular than I feel. SIGH!

Quick Post!

For clarification, I am not angry with J., my mom, Stephen, or anyone living within arm reach. I am angry with Aetna health insurance. That was not meant to be a bait or a call for help to any individual. Forgive me if I alarmed anyone. *Sigh*

It was the best of times... It was the worst of times.

Anger. Today's blog post is most likely about anger. One word. 5 letters. A-N-G-E-R. The word itself even seems imposing. So, first off, as I often do... let's define our topic.

According to Wikipedia, my favorite source for all things "factual", anger is "an emotional state that may range from minor irritation to intense rage." Ok. I get the it is an emotional state. Tell me more, oh guru of knowledge. It goes onto to say that anger is one of those emotional states that is often times hard to define because of its ability to split into subtopics. Huuuuwha? Subtopic? What exactly is a subtopic of anger? Irritation? Annoyance? Anxiety? Clear as mud, Wikipedia.

Websters defines anger as "A strong passion or emotion of displeasure or antagonism, excited by a real or supposed injury or insult to one's self or others, or by the intent to do such injury." Getting closer to something I can understand. Websters is essentially saying that it is an emotion of displeasure that is brought about when someone feels a "injury" to themselves or others. Ok... so, what I feel when I thought about Gothic Kittens yesterday could have been a demonstration of anger. I was expressing displeasure with the idiotcy of the woman to pierce her cats in such a obnoxious way. However, how does this differ from when I feel "anger" towards someone for saying something unkind? How about when someone steals my parking space? All of these "feel" different. Are you saying they are all anger? Is rage anger? I think, in this case, the English language is doing ANGER a huge disservice. If the Eskimos, despite the highly popular urban legand saying otherwise, have so many words to describe snow, and the Sapir–Whorf hypothesis truely is correct, why should we not be able to a better word to describe anger. *****NOTE: Sapir–Whorf hypothesis - "postulates a systematic relationship between the grammatical categories of the language a person speaks and how that person both understands the world and behaves in it." Thanks again, Wikipedia. No, really. I learned about that in Linguistic in college. Wooohooo... Shout out for Capital U.!!!********

Ok... so, I have poorly defined it. So, why is it the subject of my blog today? Well... I am having a tad bit of anger control issues today. I feel anger directed towards another person and I really rather not be angry. So, if I don't want to be angry... why am I still angry? I mean, if I had a better word for it, maybe I would not feel guilty for being angry. So, I have decided to go the way of Andrew Clements, author of Frindle, and make up my own word for how I feel. I am feeling Disanxirritation. Hopefully, disnaxirritation is something that can linger and will be forgiven. It doesn't appear to be healthy, though. So, maybe when the 10 step organization starts, I can make sure that I enroll.

I Think I Am Going To Be Violently Ill

I decided to read the news on the Internet this morning and the first two articles were about a pet groomer who pierced her kittens AND Cheesus!!!! Either one of these articles would make me violently ill, but both of them? I think I made it to the bathroom before I lost breakfast... but I need to double check after I finish writing. Let me tell you more.

Goth Kittens: This idiot, who is a pet groomer by the name of Holly Crawford of Ross Township in Pennsylvania, decided it would be a SMART idea to piece her kittens ears with large studs and submission rings on their necks. THEN, she decided to sell them on the internet as Gothic Kittens at $100 a kitten. If you have seen the photos, the poor kitten looks absolutely horrid and I hope it is not disfigured for life. A human being has a right to pierce whatever the hell they want to. It is their choice. A kitten, who has no say in the matter, being pierced, on the other hand, is a little different. The article had people saying that this is no different than a person declawing their animal. EXCUSE ME? I declawed my cat. You are telling me that placing 14-gauge piercings through their ears and submission rings at the napes of their necks is the same as removing their claws? Yes, declawing sometimes does lead to disfigurement. But, piercings on an animal? That cat is going to get caught on stuff.... those piercing are going to rip out. I can come up with more stuff, but it makes me feel violently ill to even think about it. Let me see, constant pain of piercings on a cat or declawing a cat... which is more ethical? I'll go with the declawing, thank you. I've never regretted doing so and Katie Cat doesn't seem to miss them all that much. However, I will not be sticking a submission ring into her neck, thank you!

Now on to Cheesus! The woman in Missouri does it again. This Missouri woman says she has found Jesus in a bag of Cheetos. Kelly Rame, current owner of Cheesus, opened a bag of Cheetos, she noticed a mini orange sculpture that resembled Jesus. She calls it 'Cheesus'and attempts to sell it on Ebay. This was in July of 2008. Today was a Cheesus update. Ebay doesn't want to sell Cheesus, siting that it has received emails from outraged religious persons demanding that the sacreligious CheeseWhatever be removed. Does this mean no more Toast Marys? No more wallpaper stain Elvis? Footage of the only living stigmata suffering in Orlando? What is the world coming to when Ebay fails to sell something so... monumental? I guess this means that my chances of selling baby naming rights on Ebay to Golden Palace are decreasing day by day. And here I was looking forward to the day Golden Palace Wenzel was conceived. Bummer!

Can any of you explain to me why either of those stories are news worthy? I got more joy out of losing my ebay bid for Jane's 45 of He's coming Home. I was sniped in the last 10 minutes with a bid of $10.50 plus 3.50 for shipping. Instead, I decided to buy the CD. No great loss. And, if that "loser" of a winner emails me one more time and tells me how I couldn't have possibly appreciated the record and he/she can, I'm going to vomit again. And, I'll ship it to their house... free of charge!

End of Rant.

But, What Does It Mean???

I woke up this morning in a complete sweat and panic. I had "THE DREAM" again.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with "THE DREAM", it involves a young version of myself walking on the sidewalk (for those of you who asked, it is the right side of the street... why this matters I have no idea) on Imperial Avenue in Painted Post, New York. I am walking with a person in a light tan dress coat and am holding their hand tightly. The person in the trench coat never says anything in this dream and I always feel safe with them. But, no matter how many times I have this dream, I don't seem to pick up on the person's identity until the very end. Ok... onto the dream.

We are walking down the street and I usually talk about absolutely nonsensical things. For example, last night I was chatting about whether a Wendy's Hamburger really tastes better because it is fresh. Other places serve fresh meat and you don't hear them claiming they are better. Anyway... yes, it was a really idiotic conversation. At the end of my dream, I always ask the "trench coat person", who seems to be getting ready to leave me at the end of the sidewalk (to walk off into the sunset?), if I'm going to be ok. The person always kneels down and looks me in the eye. It is an adult version of myself. As I change in life, the trench coat person does too. When I got engaged to Stephen, my ring magically appeared in the dream. When I was in my car accident and the scar stood out on my face, the scar appeared on the dream person. I have no doubt it represents the adult me. Is the adult me there to assure the child me? What purpose do these dreams serve? More later... either Bill is home or the dishwasher is about to be delivered.

Today

Sometimes, I wish I could just wave a magic wand and everything would be good or normal or the way everyone wants it to be. However, since there is no such thing as real magic, no magical wand exists to wave to make everything ok again.

Yesterday, Stephen and I went up to see the Catonsville crew. I always enjoy my SIL and her family and it was a good "get your mind off things" visit. I would never regret my time with them. I just wish Stephen could take a hint better than he does. I was absolutely exhausted when we left to go to Catonsville. I was dead on my feet when we got home. Doesn't mean I slept, though. I only got about 3 more hours of sleep. Why does this keep happening?

If I am lucky, I have gotten 4 hours a sleep a night. This is even with taking something for sleep. All that is accomplished by taking the meds is that I'm groggy when I only have 4 hours. I really need a change to occur soon.

Today, I had a "job" at a Giant in the area. I realized that I was so tired that I almost broke into tears while walking through the pet food ailse. There is nothing like having a breakdown among the Science Diet and Iams cat food. At least I was somewhere where the absorbant kitty litter could have sopped up the flowing tears, if needed. Something needs to change soon. I don't think I can continue this no sleep/emotional thing. Heck, I'd even go back to taking the shots! I know some of this is from instant lack of hormone therapy from the IVF. I have chosen to hold off on trying again until I can get a handle on the crying/anger/sleep. Make sense? Maybe not.

Update: Stardate January 14, 2009

I promised my mom that I would update within the next couple days. So, I decided to sit down and blog.

Today has been an incredibly non-eventful day. I had a 7 am appointment with Dr. S. The appointment went fairly well, but she still wanted to continue with weekly appointments for several more weeks. I cannot say I mind. Or at least not too much. But, I also need some sleep. Hopefully sleep will not be as hard to catch as it has been.

Sounds like we will be having one of my favorites for dinner tonight... J's meatloaf! I love it when she makes meatloaf. It was the first meal I could keep down after my messed up lumbar puncture. So, I look forward to it.

I really don't have anything else to blog about right now. J. and the cat are cuddling in J's chair and watching Dr. Phil. I wish I could get a photo. But, unfortunately, J. does not want this recorded.

Tired blogger out!

In a lonely house... on a lonely street.... in a lonely neighborhood... in a lonely town... Oh! You get the point!

As I sit here in the living room, I am not alone. This is for certain. I share this room with a mother-in-law and a father-in-law. Both are as silent as silent can be. No one has said a word in well over an hour. It is like playing the silent game... only everyone seems to be losing out.

Eloise went home today and I have to admit, I am bummed out. She really seemed to brighten the whole house with her presence. I will also admit I am worried about her. Her memory just isn't what it should be... or at least this is what she claims. She is talking about moving herself into a more restrictive setting in the near future to make sure that her needs are being met. There isn't anyone in the world who deserves more happiness than Eloise does. She is a stellar Grandmother-In-Law and she deserves no pain in life. If moving to this new location would bring her happiness and the feeling of security, then I think she should do it. I just worry that she think this is what she should do... and not what she wants to do. No one should do something just to make others happy. Making others happy is good... but it isn't everything. You cannot please all the people all of the time. She needs to concentrate on her! Anyways... I hope her flight went well and that she will be happy to get home. She deserves to be happy.

We saw the Catonsville crew last evening. I was glad to see them. They always brighten my day. Ten and KT, along with Rob, shared pizza from Cici's with us. I feel bad that we all flocked to Ten's house and invaded her living room. But, I hope she was as happy to see us as we were to spend time with her. Hopefully we'll meet up again tomorrow.

Dr. S. and I had a long talk this morning. She decided that I just needed to talk about what was in my head. She laughed when she heard that, despite the fact I can go back to drinking all the hot chocolate I want, I still prefer my TenTin Cocoa. I don't expect to change back. My sister-in-law, the special person she is, sibling of my heart, made me carob hot cocoa with a hint of vanilla flavoring. I say there is none better. I will not go back to regular cocoa easily!

The cat has decided that I make a pretty good cat bed. This, however, means that it is hard to type and I must rely on touch typing skills. She does not seem to understand that her Mommy is not much of a touch typer and that this is not the best place to take a nap. Oh, well. I think this is just her way of telling me to "Move away from the black box". I'll take that as a hint and sign off for the day. I hope everyone is having a much more exciting day than I currently am. Cat pillow out!!!

New Year's Resolution: Part 2

Yesterday, I shared my first 5 resolutions. Today, I plan on sharing my last 5.

Resolution #6: Spend more time with my family. Yes, I know this seems like a no-brainer. But, I really enjoy my whole family. I don't get to see the local family nearly enough... so I want to promise myself I will make more effort to make time to spend with the local groups. Especially my husband's grandmother. I feel bad that we don't get to see her nearly enough when she is less than 10 miles away. AND... I want to get back to see my Ohio family at least a couple times this year. Hopefully, it will because we are getting together for a good reason... not because we have to... but because we want to.

Resolution #7: Lose weight! I want to continue losing weight. Right now, it is very hard when S.G. keeps pushing proteins and carbs. But, one way or another, I will get back in control.

Resolution #8: Reduce debt. No comment there... rather self explainatory.

Resolution #9: Practice the guitar at least twice a week. How can I ever hope to get better, if I don't practice!

Resolution #10: Enjoy life!

New Year's Resolutions

I have been giving it serious thought. I really need to reflect on the past year and make some changes. So, for the coming year, I have made some really good resolutions.


Resolution #1: Improve Time Management - With starting law school, it seems like managing my time has not been easy. I'm either behind or way ahead. If I'm behind, I feel rushed. If I'm ahead, I'm letting other things go. Therefore, my goal is to better manage my time. I mean, there are going to be changes this year (for example, Stephen is soon to be out of school... that alone brings change!). So, I am going to try to manage my time better and STICK with the schedules I make for myself.

Resolution 2: Study harder! I'm not saying I don't already study hard, but I am nowhere need the ideal amount of time needed to memorize law terms. So, I plan on spending more time reading the text, listening to my class on MP3 files, making flashcards for terms, and outlining EVERYTHING. Hopefully, it will be enough to accomplish Resolution #3.




Resolution #3: Pass the Baby Bar. This is pretty self-explanatory. Or, is it? In order to pass the Baby Bar, I have to get an 80 on the essay part and at least a 65 on the multiple guess section. Only 27% of test takers achieve this. To do this, I need to ace Criminal Law (starts at the end of January) and Torts (starts at the end of May). That and I need to become less verbose in my writing. I have to learn to write in a fragmented manner that takes a descriptive paragraph down to the bare bones. I hope I can do this.

Resolution #4: Lose the headaches! There has to be a way! And, if there is... then I will find it.

Resolution #5: Employment! Have to do better than Mystery Shopper.

Tomorrow... Resolutions 6-10!!!