Wish I Knew What To Do

On various different fronts, it seems like, even when I know the right thing to do, I don't do it. As a reader, I'm sure you are scratching your head in confusion. But, as scrambled as that seems, that is exactly what I mean! For example, I received an email this morning from someone in my past. This person accidentally emailed me (I'm sure she didn't mean to) with something that concerns me about as much as knowing that the current river level at Lock and Dam #11 (General Zebulon Pike Lock and Dam) on the mighty Mississippi. In other words, nothing that really concerns me all that much. The thing is, my heart soared at the idea of receiving email from this person. In my heart, I know the best thing to do would be ignore the email. It was a mistake to get that mail in the first place. And, calling the person on an accidental email COULD be embarrassing. I would hate to embarrass this person. But, another part of me feels like, despite it being an accident, I really, really want this to be an opportunity to reach out and email this person back. Because we haven't spoken since at least 1999, maybe even earlier than that. I have spent a good portion of my morning (after studying for my LSATs, of course) composing a email to her to just say hi. I keep erasing it, though. I couldn't send what I am writing... for many reasons. *a* It sounds too sappy. *b* Too much has happened since we last spoke. *c* MY past hero worship is way in the past. I see her as a flawed, yet wonderful, human being now. My email does not sound like one who has moved away from such hero worship. Oh, well. Hopefully will figure out what to do.

Another thing is my current difficulties with my doctor's appointments. Yesterday's appointment did not go well at all. I left with extreme feelings of anger beyond what I feel is completely acceptable. I really don't know what to do. Part of me feels like this isn't working for me. And, if that is true, maybe I need to make a change. Or, at the very least, do something constructive with how I feel. I have to go back NEXT week (Tuesday), so it means a 45 mile one way trip back there once again. Dragging Stephen and Jane with me makes me even more upset. They don't deserve this. I don't want this any more. It is causing more conflict than is healthy. But, I cannot stop feeling everyone "has my best interests at heart" and I am trying not to "rock the boat". Sigh! Why can't doing what is right be the same as doing what seems best.

Sorry That It Has Been So Long!

Like the title says, I humbly apologize that it has been so long since I posted. With the family here, there was very little opportunity to post. Jane's mother has left (I really, really, REALLY miss her), as have my parents. Jane is back at work and Stephen has gone back to his semester break schedule. So, I'm free to blog whenever I want.

There is only one small problem with the being free to resume my previous schedule. I do not feel motivated to do ANYTHING. I wish I did. I gained back a lot of the weight I lost because of being sick. I feel like a blimp and I want to get up and move. No energy though. All I want to do is get more sleep. Personally, I'm not sure it would be humanly possible to get any more sleep. But, I'll give it a couple more days before I contact the doctor again.

Glad to be back in the land of the blog!