R.I.P: My Goodbye to Ben-Ben Puppy

No... this isn't really a picture of Benny. But, it was the closest photo I could find. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to Benny before J. took him to have him put to sleep on Saturday. I keep trying to figure out how the get past my current stage of grief/guilt. So, I decided, if I couldn't tell him goodbye, I could at least blog it.

Benny bit J's mother on the arm and was demonstrating aggressive behaviors that made us feel, as family, that he was no longer safe to keep. Therefore, instead of trying to find a new home, it was decided it was best to put him out of his misery. He always was so confused after he demonstrated aggression and it was happening more and more often. I mean, he punctured holes in my sweatshirt from jumping at me earlier in the week. But, as much as I was scared of him, and how much I enjoyed him when he was behaving, I somewhat feel guilty about his being put to sleep. Stephen and I were worried, with the idea that we want to have children, having an aggressive dog who bites was a worry. I worry... did I over-react? Major guilt!!

So, wherever you are Benny... I hope it is a happier place. One where you can growl and bite whoever you want and nothing bad ever happens to you. One where there are unlimited tennis balls and as many dog treats as you can eat. We'll miss you, puppy. Gone... but not forgotten.

He WALKED! (and other important thoughts)

I am pleased to say that Stephen walked yesterday in his college commencement ceremony. He will not have his final grades for a few more weeks. However, he had a good grade going into the final and the last project. Therefore, I am optimistic about this being final! I am so proud of him. He really has hung in there despite the negatives of being in college for so long. I welcome him to the "real" world and wish him best of luck on his new world of knowing how to properly select wines and how to purchase life insurance.

On Wednesday, the embryo selection was made and the two healthy ones will be put back on what looks to be Sunday afternoon or late morning. I am a little scared, but I know that if it is meant to be this time... it will be.

Can I admit how sore the egg removal has made me. OUCH!

More later.

Dreams... What Do They Really Mean?

A couple of nights ago, I had a really odd dream. I've already apologized to all those in my dream, so I don't want any of you to think I really want to hurt anyone. I'm just very confused by the dream itself...
--Dream--
I was at a kitchen that was not a kitchen I think I've ever been in. But it felt familiar. Seated around the table were my mom, my husband, my mother-in-law, my father-in-law, and myself. I had been looking up the hours for the local animal hospital. But, I couldn't find it in the phone book. When I closed the book, I was feeling frustrated and stated I couldn't find it. When I said that, my father-in-law stated, "Why don't you try the phone book?" In the dream, I totally lost it and threw the phone book at my father-in-law (I didn't hit him with it... I hope that counts for something) and yelled, "What do you think I've been looking in for the past 10 minutes. You think it is there? YOU FIND IT!"

My mother-in-law, who was calmly sitting there, stands up and grasps my arm. She pulls me off to the side (I remember in the dream, she was really strong... although I doubt I put up any resistance) and says, "It is not acceptable to me that you act like a five year old. Therefore, if you act like a five year old, I will have to treat you like a five year old." She then sent me into the living room and told me I couldn't move until I apologized to my father-in-law. Then, in the background of MY DREAM, I heard an announcer. "Does this situation seem familiar to you? Does this seem to happen to you a lot? Don't be like Kristin! Think before you open your mouth! This has been a public service announcement."

--END OF DREAM---

So, what does this dream mean? I know I have been out of sorts and kinda grouchy lately. But I would not throw anything at someone like that. AND, A public service announcement??? In my own mind, am I saying that I'm acting like a five year old? Is that what I am trying to say? Or was it something else???

What does the dream guide say:

Kitchen: To see a kitchen in your dream, signifies your need for warmth and spiritual nourishment. It may also be symbolic of the nurturing mother. Alternatively the kitchen, represents a transformation.

Family: To see your own family in your dream, represents security, warmth and love. Alternatively, it could mean that you are becoming overly dependent on them, especially if the family members are in your recurring dreams .Consider also the significance of a particular family member or the relationship you have with them.


Anger:

To dream that you are holding or expressing anger, symbolizes frustrations and disappointments in your Self. You tend to repress your negative emotions or project your anger onto others. You need to look within yourself.

Being angry in your dream may have been carried over from your waking life. Dreams can function as a safe outlet where you can express your strong and/or negative emotions. You have some suppressed anger and aggression that you have not consciously acknowledged.


Can you add to this????? I'm lost?

I Feel So....

I wish I knew how to finish the sentence in the topic. I don't exactly know how I feel right now. I know I'm cold. But, I'm often cold. J says I don't dress warmly enough. But, I'm wearing a hooded sweatshirt, wool socks, long pants, and pj bottoms. How much more warmly do I need to get? But, I don't think the sentence finishes with the word "cold".

I also don't think the answer is "sore". We put the first coat of woodwork paint on the FIL's room today. The floor looks beautiful. But, three hours of painting was maybe a little much for me with the shoulder pain and muscle pain I've had. Even saying that, I don't think the sentence ends with "sore", either.

I know I'm also highly frustrated. That might be the right word. I also feel very angry... but I cannot put my finger on the what is making me feel this way.

All I want to do for the rest of my day is sit down here and wish today to be over already!

How sad is that? VERY! I cannot be like everyone else and actually enjoy time to myself... WHY!!!!!!???????!!!!!!! I need to be doing something. But, cannot think of anything I want to do. Ahhhh... now I know!

I FEEL SOOO BORED! :)

Book Fair?

Today was the beginning of the MacArthur Book Fair at MacArthur Middle. J and I have agreed to help the librarian, as she needs some volunteers (and we have no life). Let me just tell you about some insight I gained today....

THINGS I LEARNED TODAY (In no particular order):

1. Kids cannot find the prices on books: No matter how plainly printed on the label, a student will be unable to locate the price. Is it because they cannot believe what they see or is it that they are hoping for a discount? I figure it is like the "Dictionary Game" teachers can play. "Ms. Wenzel... the word isn't in the dictionary!!!" "Well, John... I'll bet you a Twinkie at lunch I can find it in 30 seconds or less!" I always win that game! Just as it takes me only mere seconds to find the price of a book. Is this a lost art?

2. Parents should have to come pay for their children's books. Why, you may ask? I saw at least 3 kids today use all their lunch money... on pencils. Teenagers are no more responsible than a kindergartener when it comes to the concept of no book fair items or lunch. DUH!!!

3. Handing your child $25/$50 to buy books is not a substitute for love. I quote, "My mom was soooo busy this weekend. I tried to talk with her about the book fair and she just shoved $50 at me. I'm gonna use some of it here (at the book fair) and treat you to pizza at lunch." I assure you, Mom and Dad, the kid did not buy anything worthy of your money. She bought a crudload of pencils, a poster, a couple of iffy books and treated 5 of her closest friends to lunch.

4. When did parents get so dumb??? More than one child had their parent's credit cards and a note stating they could use it to buy books. I think I need to say nothing more in regards to that one.

5. If you let a kid wear a jacket... shoplifting will occur. Once again... nothing more needs to be said.

6. Your pants can double as a shopping cart: I knew my pants were big and all. But, I never realized the hidden potential in shoving Scholastic books down my pants. I could have had the world's largest supply of overpriced kids books!

7. No matter how many times kids count their money, they rarely can tell you how much money they are going to need at checkout. Nuff said!

8. No matter how many times a person counts money... interest does not occur during that time. No matter the wish... the money does not multiply, gain interest, or appear by chance. It seems that many middle schoolers still believe this to be a sound practice... no matter how many times this does not happen to them.

9. Being short on money... it used to be something you could be ashamed of! No biggy! Just look confused... everything works out in the end.

10. When in doubt, rip off the tag!!! No one will ever notice! NOT!!!!!

Hope you learned from my experience. Can't wait for day two!!!