R.I.P: My Goodbye to Ben-Ben Puppy

No... this isn't really a picture of Benny. But, it was the closest photo I could find. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to Benny before J. took him to have him put to sleep on Saturday. I keep trying to figure out how the get past my current stage of grief/guilt. So, I decided, if I couldn't tell him goodbye, I could at least blog it.

Benny bit J's mother on the arm and was demonstrating aggressive behaviors that made us feel, as family, that he was no longer safe to keep. Therefore, instead of trying to find a new home, it was decided it was best to put him out of his misery. He always was so confused after he demonstrated aggression and it was happening more and more often. I mean, he punctured holes in my sweatshirt from jumping at me earlier in the week. But, as much as I was scared of him, and how much I enjoyed him when he was behaving, I somewhat feel guilty about his being put to sleep. Stephen and I were worried, with the idea that we want to have children, having an aggressive dog who bites was a worry. I worry... did I over-react? Major guilt!!

So, wherever you are Benny... I hope it is a happier place. One where you can growl and bite whoever you want and nothing bad ever happens to you. One where there are unlimited tennis balls and as many dog treats as you can eat. We'll miss you, puppy. Gone... but not forgotten.

He WALKED! (and other important thoughts)

I am pleased to say that Stephen walked yesterday in his college commencement ceremony. He will not have his final grades for a few more weeks. However, he had a good grade going into the final and the last project. Therefore, I am optimistic about this being final! I am so proud of him. He really has hung in there despite the negatives of being in college for so long. I welcome him to the "real" world and wish him best of luck on his new world of knowing how to properly select wines and how to purchase life insurance.

On Wednesday, the embryo selection was made and the two healthy ones will be put back on what looks to be Sunday afternoon or late morning. I am a little scared, but I know that if it is meant to be this time... it will be.

Can I admit how sore the egg removal has made me. OUCH!

More later.

Dreams... What Do They Really Mean?

A couple of nights ago, I had a really odd dream. I've already apologized to all those in my dream, so I don't want any of you to think I really want to hurt anyone. I'm just very confused by the dream itself...
--Dream--
I was at a kitchen that was not a kitchen I think I've ever been in. But it felt familiar. Seated around the table were my mom, my husband, my mother-in-law, my father-in-law, and myself. I had been looking up the hours for the local animal hospital. But, I couldn't find it in the phone book. When I closed the book, I was feeling frustrated and stated I couldn't find it. When I said that, my father-in-law stated, "Why don't you try the phone book?" In the dream, I totally lost it and threw the phone book at my father-in-law (I didn't hit him with it... I hope that counts for something) and yelled, "What do you think I've been looking in for the past 10 minutes. You think it is there? YOU FIND IT!"

My mother-in-law, who was calmly sitting there, stands up and grasps my arm. She pulls me off to the side (I remember in the dream, she was really strong... although I doubt I put up any resistance) and says, "It is not acceptable to me that you act like a five year old. Therefore, if you act like a five year old, I will have to treat you like a five year old." She then sent me into the living room and told me I couldn't move until I apologized to my father-in-law. Then, in the background of MY DREAM, I heard an announcer. "Does this situation seem familiar to you? Does this seem to happen to you a lot? Don't be like Kristin! Think before you open your mouth! This has been a public service announcement."

--END OF DREAM---

So, what does this dream mean? I know I have been out of sorts and kinda grouchy lately. But I would not throw anything at someone like that. AND, A public service announcement??? In my own mind, am I saying that I'm acting like a five year old? Is that what I am trying to say? Or was it something else???

What does the dream guide say:

Kitchen: To see a kitchen in your dream, signifies your need for warmth and spiritual nourishment. It may also be symbolic of the nurturing mother. Alternatively the kitchen, represents a transformation.

Family: To see your own family in your dream, represents security, warmth and love. Alternatively, it could mean that you are becoming overly dependent on them, especially if the family members are in your recurring dreams .Consider also the significance of a particular family member or the relationship you have with them.


Anger:

To dream that you are holding or expressing anger, symbolizes frustrations and disappointments in your Self. You tend to repress your negative emotions or project your anger onto others. You need to look within yourself.

Being angry in your dream may have been carried over from your waking life. Dreams can function as a safe outlet where you can express your strong and/or negative emotions. You have some suppressed anger and aggression that you have not consciously acknowledged.


Can you add to this????? I'm lost?

I Feel So....

I wish I knew how to finish the sentence in the topic. I don't exactly know how I feel right now. I know I'm cold. But, I'm often cold. J says I don't dress warmly enough. But, I'm wearing a hooded sweatshirt, wool socks, long pants, and pj bottoms. How much more warmly do I need to get? But, I don't think the sentence finishes with the word "cold".

I also don't think the answer is "sore". We put the first coat of woodwork paint on the FIL's room today. The floor looks beautiful. But, three hours of painting was maybe a little much for me with the shoulder pain and muscle pain I've had. Even saying that, I don't think the sentence ends with "sore", either.

I know I'm also highly frustrated. That might be the right word. I also feel very angry... but I cannot put my finger on the what is making me feel this way.

All I want to do for the rest of my day is sit down here and wish today to be over already!

How sad is that? VERY! I cannot be like everyone else and actually enjoy time to myself... WHY!!!!!!???????!!!!!!! I need to be doing something. But, cannot think of anything I want to do. Ahhhh... now I know!

I FEEL SOOO BORED! :)

Book Fair?

Today was the beginning of the MacArthur Book Fair at MacArthur Middle. J and I have agreed to help the librarian, as she needs some volunteers (and we have no life). Let me just tell you about some insight I gained today....

THINGS I LEARNED TODAY (In no particular order):

1. Kids cannot find the prices on books: No matter how plainly printed on the label, a student will be unable to locate the price. Is it because they cannot believe what they see or is it that they are hoping for a discount? I figure it is like the "Dictionary Game" teachers can play. "Ms. Wenzel... the word isn't in the dictionary!!!" "Well, John... I'll bet you a Twinkie at lunch I can find it in 30 seconds or less!" I always win that game! Just as it takes me only mere seconds to find the price of a book. Is this a lost art?

2. Parents should have to come pay for their children's books. Why, you may ask? I saw at least 3 kids today use all their lunch money... on pencils. Teenagers are no more responsible than a kindergartener when it comes to the concept of no book fair items or lunch. DUH!!!

3. Handing your child $25/$50 to buy books is not a substitute for love. I quote, "My mom was soooo busy this weekend. I tried to talk with her about the book fair and she just shoved $50 at me. I'm gonna use some of it here (at the book fair) and treat you to pizza at lunch." I assure you, Mom and Dad, the kid did not buy anything worthy of your money. She bought a crudload of pencils, a poster, a couple of iffy books and treated 5 of her closest friends to lunch.

4. When did parents get so dumb??? More than one child had their parent's credit cards and a note stating they could use it to buy books. I think I need to say nothing more in regards to that one.

5. If you let a kid wear a jacket... shoplifting will occur. Once again... nothing more needs to be said.

6. Your pants can double as a shopping cart: I knew my pants were big and all. But, I never realized the hidden potential in shoving Scholastic books down my pants. I could have had the world's largest supply of overpriced kids books!

7. No matter how many times kids count their money, they rarely can tell you how much money they are going to need at checkout. Nuff said!

8. No matter how many times a person counts money... interest does not occur during that time. No matter the wish... the money does not multiply, gain interest, or appear by chance. It seems that many middle schoolers still believe this to be a sound practice... no matter how many times this does not happen to them.

9. Being short on money... it used to be something you could be ashamed of! No biggy! Just look confused... everything works out in the end.

10. When in doubt, rip off the tag!!! No one will ever notice! NOT!!!!!

Hope you learned from my experience. Can't wait for day two!!!

Thanksgiving... A Day Where Nothing Has Calories?

You know that you are very serious about dieting and losing weight when the first thing you do Thanksgiving morning is sit down and plot what you can and cannot eat today and how much exercise you will need to burn off what you shouldn't eat today. Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays NOT because of the wonderful food... but because of the family. We are spending the day with KT and Rob, my Sister & Brother In Law, Jane and Bill, and Stephen's grandmother Betty Jane and Stephen's second cousin Bruce. They are all coming here! Most of the food was premade yesterday... so in that regard, we are almost ready to go. But, the food is still on my mind. The Good Morning America guest this morning stated that Thanksgiving is the one day where nothing has calories. Oh, yeah??? Well, yesterday, my mashed potatoes had 230 calories for a 2/3 cup, 6 oz. of turkey ham was 218 calories, 6 oz. of Turkey was 280 calories, Pumpkin Cheesecake was 168 calories for an 1/8 of the pie, Pumpkin Pie was also 168. Peanut Butter Pie was a huge 250 for an 1/8th of the pie. This means, if I eat two servings of potatoes (which I am want to do), a serving of turkey ham, a serving and a half of turkey, and a half slice of both the pumpkin cheesecake and pumpkin pie, I might be able to eat something again tomorrow for dinner! No... just kidding. With the hour of Wii Fit I did this morning, and the fact I lowered my goal for the week to losing just one pound, with some balance, I can eat again tomorrow! I just need to avoid the pre-dinner munchie items - like chips and dip - and any soda other than Coke Zero. Change that. Just stick to water today. Sigh! What a joyous Thanksgiving this is... just me and my food scale!

Tomorrow has me completing two independent contracting jobs. One of them is in Wheaton, MD and the other is here in Laurel. Hopefully, after my doctor's appointment tomorrow, we can just get both of these jobs out of the way and I can spend my day away from the mobs of people attempting to shop their brains out.

Let me see... 460 calories for potatoes. 560 for Turkey. 218 for the Turkey Ham. Maybe I can afford the whole slice of pie at 168? Throw in 8 cheese cubes at 130 calories. 1536 calories. Maybe I should try again... Prestuffed blogger out!

And... You Say That WHY?

You know... sometimes I just really hate being a student again. I mean, it isn't like I am an undergrad again with the bonds of friendship you make during that time and the stupidity you can get away with in the name of being young and naive. And, this experience isn't like my Masters degree, either. With my Masters, I felt like I was accomplishing something and learning something new every single lesson. I was able to apply what I was learning to the whole world and it just "MADE sense"! I will admit I have gone back and read that epic that was my Masters Thesis and laugh out loud at the stupidity of all 750 pages. But, dang... I was learning something.

Law School, however, is very different. I feel like an alien on an alien planet. I can't seem to get the hang of the Legal Essay writing. And, that really is something. For the last twenty some years, I have heard "write in complete sentences!" and "Don't write in run-on sentences and sentence fragments." Every rule of grammar was examined and a rationale was found in my mind for each that I could share with my students. I might as well forget ever learning it because Legal Essay writing has NOTHING to do with writing skills. It is your ability to write a formatted essay with almost total disregard for the English language and rules of speaking and grammar. No matter how much I try, I end up being verbose. This should surprise no one since my writing in real life tends to boarder on the verbose, too. But, I hate formulaic writing. It is a format in which no one wins and everyone loses.

J., Ten, and I went to Panera this morning for breakfast. It was great to see Ten and spend time with her. Hopefully I will see her again tomorrow! My Thursday just isn't complete without seeing Ten!!!!!

Well... time for lunch. J. is off to the Big Mac to work with the Eagle's Nest Crew. Sometimes I wish she wouldn't leave me alone here. But, independence starts somewhere... right?????

Lonely blogger out!!

11/16: What's Up and Happy Anv. Three Wise Guys!

First, I want to give a shout out to the Three Wise Guys from the Washington Post. They bring happiness to my husband's Sunday mornings by answering Washington readers questions. It is their anniversary this week and they had a really funny, multi-paged article this week. Stephen's joy is barely containable as he reads allowed to J. and I. Our Sunday mornings are always brightened by our three men of wit! Happy Anniversary, Three Wise Guys! Many more to come, I hope!!!!

I know it has been awhile since I posted. It has been a really non-eventful time around here running around trying to get the every day stuff complete. I have a "new" job... but it is one of those things I'm not allowed to say much about at this point. Hopefully it will make it possible for me to pay credit card payments (not that I wasn't before!). I just want the balance to go down... not up! Health insurance has also been the "object" of all my immediate attention. My Aetna policy is ending at the end of December. There had been a promise of a conversion plan from the Self-Funding people I send money to. Aetna claims there isn't. So, have been scrambling to find new insurance QUICKLY. They (being Aetna) have turned me down for a new policy because of migraines, allergies, and bilateral hearing loss. Not to mention I am still 10 pounds outside their weight limit. Hey... I'm losing weight quickly... give me until February and I'd be there!!! Sigh!!!

Well... I have very little else to share. We are going to my SIL home today for a somber event (Duncan, the family paraket's, funeral). Duncan was a beloved bird whom we all adored. His loss was taken hard by all Wenzels and we are just hoping that we can remember the good times with Duncan and not focus on the "Ill Duncan" that he was towards the end. I feel, and Stephen agrees, we need to make sure we have cheese at this celebration of Duncan. He, being Duncan, was a cheese fiend! Duncan could be looking like the most miserable bird in the world and you give cheese..... INSTANT ACTIVE bird!!! I hope, if there is a parakeet final resting location, Duncan can have all the cheese a bird could ever want. Without all the mess of an all cheese diet, too!!!

Blogger out!!!

No Matter Who Won, I Am Already Sick OF the News Media!

When I came up this morning, I already knew the results of last night's election. Stephen spent a majority of my early night sleeping time with headphones on to listen to "the historic" Upon getting upstairs this morning, the news was on. Almost immediately, they were reviewing the local races. No surprises were to be had there, either. But, what really makes me feel ill is the media's take on our local county shooting down their telephone tax. The telephone tax for Prince Georges was an increase to the telephone tax they already have. It currently had the highest phone tax in the state and they wanted to raise it. Yes, it was "for the schools"... who are currently holding onto a 50 million surplus... but, good grief! The news media is bemoaning that it was 70-something to upper 20's AGAINST it. I quote the media guy - "Oh... those poor kids in Prince Georges are going to have to do without! And it is an area really in need of educational reform!" Whaaaaaaaat?
I never heard ONE positive article, ONE positive news story, ONE positive speach saying that the telephone tax was worthy of voting yes. All I heard, from every angle, was how we already had a telephone tax, how most of the other counties didn't, how the district already had a major surplus (depending on the source, it is between 50 mil. and 100 mil.), and how it really wasn't going to help the the district enough and they needed to look at reform... not additional taxes. The only person in power that I ever heard say anything positive was Jack Johnson(County Executive) saying that, even though we had a surplus, in these hard times, it wouldn't hurt to have a little more. Sure.... glowing recommendation there, Jack. I did my homework... I read! The news media needs to get off their soap box and realize that not everything "good" goes through. I hate the news media!

I think I really need to just boycott tv for awhile. But, we all know I won't. Too addicted.

Part Duo: A Blogger's Headache

As I said earlier, I have a major headache. And, between last blog and now, it has not gotten any better. If anything, it seems to eat stress and has gotten worse. I hate headaches!

Ok... I have that out of my system. All in all, this hasn't been the world's most horrid day. After I stopped blogging, J. and I went to Home Depot (to get my paycheck), the thrift store (to look for books), and Lowes (to get paint for B's room). We ended up with nothing new at the thrift store, got my paycheck, and got some paint samples for the room. When we got home, B. asked if we wanted to go to lunch with he and grandmother-in-law. We went to Silver Diner and then went to Shoppers. Upon getting home, found out that my medical tests have been approved. Also got a bill from U. of MD for my MRI, which Aetna claims has been paid already.

Speaking of bills, I am getting SOOOOooooooooooooo sick of medical bills that have been either denied (for no reason) or are incorrectly billed. If I had paid Laurel Regional when they asked, I would have owed them 25,000.00! Now, I'm not even sure I owe them $250! Am soooo sick of that stress.

Tomorrow is election day. California Tortilla is offering a free taco coupon for wearing your "I voted" sticker. We are voting at Bond Mill Elementary a couple miles away. Probably will go be before lunch and get the voting mess over with. With all the issues on the ballot, I'm ready for this to be over with. Slots v. No Slots/Early Voting v. No Early Voting/Telephone Tax v. Status Quo/Library and Roads Tax! I feel like my head is already spinning with choices. The Presidential election isn't the big thing around here. It is SLOTS, SLOTS, and more SLOTS. I think it will pass, though. How can it not? If they don't, the politicians are going to get that money somewhere else!

There was something else I had the intention of blogging about today. Unfortunately, I lost my train of thought as it went through a tunnel and I've been unable to catch up with it. So, I will close with my banking woe. We recently left Bank of America to join the Commerce Bank family. I got tired of hearing the Kelly Rippa/Regis ads about how great their bank was and how much my bank was screwing me out of money with service fees. So, since it was opening a bank in our area, we joined the Commerce family. Unfortunately, Commerce and TD bank merged. So, just after I get a brand new check card, I need to get new checks AND a new check card. I hate banks.

Grumpy blogger out.

Have You Ever Just Wanted The World To Go Away... Just For A little While.

As I sit down to post today, my daily headache is worse than normal. It hurts so badly that I just want to run downstairs and lock myself in my room and cry. The crying would be simply because my head hurts THAT much. I am hoping that the one cup of coffee I allowed myself this morning and the 2 extra strength Tylenol will help quickly. Otherwise, I am going to have to bring out the heavier duty meds. And, right now, I want to avoid that.



The headache really has little to do with my topic, though. For the past few weeks, we thought the dog had been very lax about asking to go outside and leaving a pile on the floor multiple times daily. We were wondering how the dog, 35 lbs-ish, could have so MUCH to deposit. Well, J. found out yesterday, it isn't the dog! It is the 11 lbs-ish CAT! I swear this cat is crapping her entire body weight multiple times daily. AND she is still using the litter box and making deposits there. So far, every home remedy method has proven Katie Cat proof. She loves wax paper (darn)! She doesn't seem to be bothered by pepper (WHAT?)! Even steam cleaning the floor again, there are only a few more home remedies to try. The vet feels that it is a teritory thing. When the dog claimed the cat's downstairs rug, this happened. When the dog claimed the snake's bedroom, this happened. So, now, the dog may have claimed Katie's (human) room. So, now the cat feels this need to claim that room, too. Sheesh! What is a human to do? The cat is mine. The dog is my in-laws. We both love our animals. No one wants to get rid of either of them. The cat cannot cope outside. The dog wouldn't go out and stay out on a bet. The two realistic options? Upstairs cat box and putting food upstairs. Realistically? Neither is going to work. Wish us luck.

More later.

Tis Official: Broken Toe

It is about as official as a broken toe can get. Definitely broken. Potentially broken in three places. They also tell me I did a number on my ankle (sprain) and knee (potential chip) in the fall. Lucky me!

Today has been a really hard day. Am feeling really achy and horrid and just am having "a down day" in general. I really need some time away today. But, it isn't going to happen.

Frustrated blogger out.

Man, Oh Man, IS My Toe SORE!

When I woke up this morning, I tried to stand up on my left foot. MISTAKE!!! I had pain shooting up my leg extending from the purple spot bruise on my left big toe... and the brown bruisey streak down to my foot. From having broken every toe on that foot at some point in my life, I suspect I have broken the toe AGAIN. I suspect, also, I am going to have to go and get it taped at Urgent Care. If it was another of the toes, I would worry less. But, the big toe is the balance toe. Need to cautious.

Dinner at Kristen's last night was good. I would advise J. to buy more "real chicken" and fewer strips next time. But, the company was great and I enjoyed our evening. The only downside was it was too short an evening. That and J. didn't use her time to talk with her children about B. J. claims that, when she brought it up, neither of her children seemed concerned enough - HENCE she doesn't feel comfortable talking with them about it now. I personally think SHE was the uncomfortable one. Since you both read this blog, children of J., it is up to you to talk with her. Or not. Your choice.

Bruised Blogger Out!

Update: October 26, 2008

I know it has been awhile since I updated. I have been very busy trying to get on with my life despite some really "not so great" and "great" things happening. The PICC line is out and the scar is finally healing. It ooooozed for weeks. But now... it just looks like a purple chicken pox scar. I'm ok with it. Also, finding out that the Lyme Test may have been a false positive and I have gone through 6 weeks of Lyme treatment for nothing, this was a tad bit of a let down. It also came to me as a great shot when my neurologist referred me to a neurosurgeon to get a second option for the meningioma I have had for years and they have done nothing about. Seems this guy feels that it is getting to the point where something might need to be done. After a higher resolution MRI and an upcoming "more functional" CT scan, I will see him again in November to discuss whether he wants to fish for it, let it go, or send me to a Gamma Knife specialist (please let it be the second or third one!). So, healthwise, the Infectious Disease specialist is now out of the picture. She has handed me back to my family doctor and to the care of the two neurologists. I just want to feel better.

Speaking of wanting to feel better, I have lost about 14 pounds in about 2 weeks. No, it isn't because I don't feel good. It is because I am consciously attempting to get healthier. If I have to feel like this, I might as well lose some weight and get some balance and strength back.

With that said, I guess today is not my day. When I was going down the stairs this morning, my knee gave out and I ended up falling down the last three stairs. OM Gosh! It is a good thing I was hanging on or I would have taken out my vacuum cleaner and probably an end table in the process. Instead, I have a majorly swollen ankle, puffy knee, and the right side of left foot is turning purple and swelling. If it is still like this later, I will probably go over to Urgent Care. But knowing where I hit my foot (on the metal banister) makes my feeling of urgency less urgent. This is the third time in less than a week I've had that knee go out. Blasted knee. Maybe losing the weight is the answer for that, too.

We have been playing with our family Christmas gift a little early this year. Jane decided that our family Christmas gift would be a Wii gaming system. I decided, if we were going to get a Wii, I would purchase a Wii Fit and work out on that. It has been the best low impact exercise program I've ever worked with AND worth EVERY penny spent on it. It doesn't kill my knees like walking these hills and is not as much impact as step used to be. But, I still can do step on the Wii and I am learning Yoga slowly. I think Wii and Wii Fit are going to be the best gifts we have ever given ourselves. It doesn't hurt we've also picked up some great games.

I will try to be better about posting more often. This has been a very long post and it doesn't even cover half the things I wanted to say.

One last thing, I wanted to share my plans for the day. Around 4 pm-ish, Stephen, Jane, and I (Bill is watching Drew at a Water Polo meet in New England) will be going to visit the Catonsville branch of the family for dinner. I am so delighted that we will be seeing them. We don't see them enough and I really enjoy spending time with them. We'll pick up some Popeyes Chicken on the way up and Kristen is making potatoes. Stephen picked up a chocolate chip cake for dessert. Sounds like good food and good company!! What a great day this will be!

Welll... Bother!

Today I just feel numb. The cat woke me up at 2 am by bringing me an adorable baby mouse... while I was in bed. There is NOTHING like having a baby mouse run up your blanket, followed by a half-proud cat. They both ended up on the floor... the cat chasing the squeaking mouse and catching it several times (making a loud squealing noise). So much for sleep last night. I then decided to shake my blanket out and Stephen questioned what I was doing. At two, I must not make much sense.... I told him I wanted to make sure there were not any more mouse friends. He laughed and said, "No... you are just trying to get rid of any mouse surprise." ACK!!!!! Now I am definitely NOT going back to sleep! Ingesting mouse excrement? Isn't that how you get the Hantavirus? NO sleep for me!!!

Needless to say, since I also had Ambien last night, I did fall asleep... reluctantly... around 4 am. I woke up around 8 am... groggy and feeling really, really (did I mention REALLY) headache-y. My headache (since July 24th) has been around a 7 out of 10. This was worse. It had throab. It had nausia. It had aura. All I wanted to do was curl up and wish the world away. Hopefully, as the day continues, my headache will steadly get better. I was hoping a shower would do it. It isn't cutting it a bit.

We are supposed to go up to my SIL's house tonight. I emailed her last night to tell her that, although I expected to go up there tonight, I wanted to see how awake Stephen was after getting off work. He worked on a computer project until nearly midnight last night. I woke him up with the mouse issue at 2. His alarm went off at quarter til 7. He looked like a living zombie this morning. I have the feeling he isn't in his best of shapes, either. If my headache does not stop AND he still looks like Night of the Living Dead when he gets home, I feel our road trip must be canceled for lack of coherant drivers. I promise we will see you soon, if that is the case, SIL oh mine.

Update: 10/8/08

Ok... it has been several days since I updated how I'm doing. Here's my update:

The PICC line was removed LAST Wednesday around 8:00 pm. The removal didn't hurt a bit. But, it began hurting about 10 minutes later and I have been told that it should be ok to remove the tegaderm totally in about 24 hours. The last check, it was still oozing a little and bleeding a little.

The blood tests have yet to come back from the second opinion. I have an appointment with them on the 22nd. But... I also have an appointment to see a neurosurgeon consult (as referred by Dr. Asad) from seeing the MRI calcified pieces. I have no worries about that... they are going to say "We're gonna keep an eye on it!"

Otherwise, things aren't great... and we are not making progress in the area of headache/aches. But, hopefully next post, things will be different.

Creative Writing Prompt

Today's Prompt: Write a letter to the 10-year old child you had been.

Dear Kristin:

I know this is hard to believe, but after seeing your future, I felt I needed to write to you. There are things that will happen in your future that, if you know how to handle them, could cause you fewer problems. First of all, I know school is a real bummer for you right now. Everything seems really hard and not really worth the effort. In later years, with your skills that will develop in Language Arts, you will really take off. Don't worry so much about your math skills. At some time, the skills will start to "click". You may not believe it now, but in the future, you will be a teacher. I know right now, your idea is to "get out of school as soon as possible" and you think the best thing is to leave school at sixteen... but, this simply DOES not happen. First of all, you find your place in the educational world when you realize you are a talented writer. Stop laughing... honest! Secondly, you find you work really well with young kids and have a talent for working with them. Just keep an open mind... it will happen sooner than you think!

I also want you to know that you will get out of Iowa soon. You will find somewhere that you actually feel your intelligence is appreciated. I can't tell you much more about that. But, you will.

In the future, you will find a man who will love you very much... and guess what? You love him just as much. You will move from your family to be with him... but you will grow to love your new home and will love your new family more and more with each passing month.

I wish I could make everything better for you. But, the best I can do is tell you to hang in there and keep your mind open to the possibilities of the future.

~Me

Challenge: Creative Writing Prompt

For the first time in a couple weeks, I have a little bit of energy. Therefore, I am totally going to blow all of my energy and do something enjoyable. Creative Writing Prompt anyone????

No, really!!! www.creativewritingprompts.com ! This is number 8. List 40 things that happened to you this month. They can be funny, embarrassing, happy, or infuriating. Then pick one and write about it.

I had a very long list of things that I came up with. They ranged from the semi-ordinary (my sister in law came to visit and she and my niece brought dessert... I always love seeing them) to the very odd (No longer working with Home Depot because of not being able to read the screen at the cash register... I use magnification software on my own computer... never thought about it being a problem!). I also thought about some of the medical tests I have been through this month (and how some of them were out and out painful). And, I also considered how happy I was spending time with Stephen recently. But, with all of those memories and thoughts, one sticks out in my mind above all others. Let me talk about that one.

Well.... it all started a few weeks ago when my niece was visiting us. Her old pal M. (name hidden to protect those of us who don't want to admit she lives anywhere NEAR us) came over and was attempting to get my niece to come over and spend time with her. Although my niece didn't go anywhere with M., M. decided to share some bad news with us. Her mother was about to put M's two animals to sleep (due to old age). M's dog, Barney, is a staple to the neighborhood with his classic "Awwwwwrooooo" that echoes throughout the neighborhood in a bally-hooing manner. Barney would definately be missed. Need I say more? I didn't think so.

Anywho... both my mother in law and I were both saddened by the news and really didn't give it a second throught. That is until about a week later. We both were working on something out in the yard (putting in new bushes) and, all of a sudden, we heard a Barney bark. We both looked at each other and raised eyebrows. "That cannot be Barney," we both exclaimed. We both decided that we were so used to hearing Barney that we imagined we heard him and there was just a similiar sounding dog. Then, a couple days later, we looked out the window and THERE was Barney wandering down the street, awwwroooooooooooing away. We noticed he certainly looked solid and alive. Three weeks after his "imminent demise", there he is... just strolling down the street. My husband returned the dog back to the neighbor's home and I decided that I was glad to have gotten to see him one more time.

Unfortunately, nearly a week later, I saw him again yesterday. He was, once again, wandering happily down the street, awwwroooing in the way only a happy Barney dog can do. My father in law spotted him and took him back over to the neighbor's house. This makes me realize that he is probably going to be with us a little while yet and that I really have gotten used to his happy little noise. Our neighborhood will just not be the same without him.

It has been a long time... I know

Today has been a very long day. Last Saturday, I started my new career at Home Depot. Orientation took up Saturday and Sunday. I worked Monday and Tuesday. Today is my first day off and I had my second opinion appointment with the ID doctors at UMD. The second opinion result came as a shock. They feel Laurel Regional did many things wrong and I may have been misdiagnosed with Lyme. They feel it might have been another disorder caused by a tick or another creepy crawly. But, we won't know for awhile. They hope, however, that whatever the new tests find, we can get rid of this headache quickly. All I know is it has to go away soon. Fatigue and headache are taking their toll on me. All I want to do, when I am not at work, is sleep. I don't want to eat. Just sleep. This does not leave a lot of time when you figure I spend an additional 3 hours a day working on law school stuff. Something has to give. What it will be at this point, I don't know.

As I said, my first day off was today. I took the opportunity to purchase some new polo shirts since I have to wear collared shirts or polos. Forman Mills supplied me with 5 new polos and 2 new pairs of jeans for $45. I'm very pleased.

I promise I will update more often. But, I need a nap. Oh... hopefully the PICC line will be out soon. The new ID doctors feel there is no reason for it to stay in. Hopefully it will be out on Monday... before noon, I hope.

This date in mystory: September 10, 2008

Today was my appointment with Dr. Shah (she squeezed us in). She has decided to discontinue the antibiotics and thinks I should see a arthritis specialist. I informed her that I have an appointment to see a person at University of Maryland on the 25th and they want all her records. She generously told me I could haul myself over to the hospital and ask for the records myself seeing as she doesn't handle her own records. I am so glad, even if I don't feel better, that I am so done with that woman. She doesn't even seem to notice I feel cruddy.

I really don't have anything new to share other than I got the final "note" of hire for my new job. I am now officially an employee of Home Depot. Carrying on the Clements hardware store tradition, I guess. I start either this weekend or next.

Headachey Picc User Out!

Update for 9/8/08

I realize it has been a long time since I updated. However, I have been feeling really bad and needed to take the time to just rest. The PICC line has been bothering me greatly since the last changing and it appears that I am massively allergic to the tape they used this time. Blistery pus filled things are popping up around the tegaderm layer. Hopefully it was ease with time. Or, at least by Thursday, when the tegaderm is due to change again. Sigh!

The Rocephin was extended from the original 28 days to 35 days to now 42 days. My last day currently is set for this coming up Friday (the 12th). Jane and I are getting along well with the infusion at home. But, man oh man, will I be glad when it is done and over with. Then again, I would give anything to have the fatigue, headache, and achy joints and muscle end.

We have arranged to have a second opinion on the doctor front. Dr. Shah, when I went on home infusion, said she would see me in a week. I called the VERY next day to set up the appointment. She said, "I'll get back with you." Two days later, nothing. I waited the weekend since she doesn't come in on weekends. Monday, I started calling again. No response. I decided to up the ante a little (since I only had a couple more days on IV fluids) and faxed them. Two days in a row I faxed them. No response. The IV pharmacy attempted to call her to find out if they were continuing the IV. No response. Then, on my last day, we finally got in touch with her office. "She is totally booked! No appointments for 2 weeks," says the receptionist. Jane got her to squeeze us in on Wednesday. But, in the meantime, I had decided too many "questionable" things had happened. I will be seeing a doctor at University of Maryland who deals a lot with Lyme patients on the 25th. Hopefully this doctor will have some answers. Dr. Shah certainly has none.

For those who asked, classes are going well. I very much enjoy my 3 hour class on Contracts. Dr. Green makes the three hours entertaining and very enjoyable. I am hoping he continues to teach Torts and Criminal Law because I really could get used to his teaching style very easily. I just have to get used to the time difference between California and Maryland. My class meets on Wednesday evenings from 9:30 p. to 12:30 a. ! I am totally worn out by the end of class. But this is all worth it. When I take that FYLX in October of 2009, I aim to pass. More on that at a later date.

Well... my energy is just about gone. Will have to write more at a later date. My closing thought, however, is about Chad Johnson. What was that idiot thinking? Changing his name to "Chad Ocho Cinco"? Doesn't he know that Ocho Cinco is not eighty-five... just eight and five? Idiot!

Have You Ever Just Wanted To Sit Down So You Could Just Cry?

Yesterday was one of those days that I absolutely hate. No matter what you personally do, it seems to either (a) go wrong, (b) offend someone else, (c) become totally misunderstood, (d) crushes the last bit of restraint you normally have not to go running off in a puddle of tears. Yesterday, it seems like every bit of a,b,c, and d happened. Stephen, good guy he is, neglected to tell me that he had a massive headache. So, he was really out of sorts. Whereas I was having a agreeable day despite my headache and aches. We went to the store with his mother, and when it came time to purchase dessert, he just wanted to act pouty because his choice was not chosen. I tried to make other suggestions (like buy some cookies I know he likes... or a box of the pie slices I know he likes). But, my suggestions were not taken well. He was still upset as we got to the check out. One of the cashiers was trying to get us to move lines. I was paying attention to that and trying to get him to move, but missed his mother trying to get our attention. So, I got blasted on that one while I probably was being a jerk about the cashier wanting us to move (which he didn't notice until I pointed it out).

Upon getting home, I just wanted to chill out a little and not deal with anything. I marinated the meat for the cookout very early so it could have about 6 hours of soak time. And, I then JUST crashed. In the back of my mind, I knew that I was going to have to do something about the propane tank for the grill. You see, every time we've had a cookout recently, we run out of propane since we grill a lot of things for long periods of time (ie: Potato/Corn) and it is always a safe thing to have our backup tank filled. I had forgotten we were using the backup tank and needed to get an exchange. When I asked Stephen if he could do it before people got there at 6 pm (it was now a quarter til 2), he refused to commit. He said he might or might not be able to do that because "he was tired". If only he'd also said, "And I have a headache and don't feel good", I might not have taken offense. You see, during my chill time, I had dusted Jane's living room, cleaned a snake tank, hauled Stephen's stuff all over the house to their rightful locations, cleaned up downstairs to make it appear livable, worked on the chicken to prepare it for grilling, been infused with my medication (and that was one HARD infusion), and listened to my niece talk about some things she needed to get out of her head. Making the house presentable for the cookout was Jane's goal and she needed help. Having gas for the cookout was my goal... and I didn't get help. I got my keys and prepared to go get the tank myself... which got vetoed and Jane ended up driving me. I cried a good portion of the way there... and was majorly disoriented because of my headache by the time we got there. I will say, I got it together quickly and we got home within 15 minutes.

Having already started the crying jag, I decided to just cool off. I washed a kitchen knife, glass, and spoon in the sink. My reasoning? I figured get out of the way now is something I don't have to wash later! I thought it made sense. Not 10 minutes later, I looked over and I noticed Jane was cutting up something. I thought, "Is that the same knife I just cleaned?" I was just amazed that, out of all the knives in the drawer, that one keeps reappearing. Jane seemed to misunderstand my amazement and think I was trying to make some side point ranging from she was using a dirty knife (I cleaned it. I should know it ISN'T dirty!) to there was something wrong with her having used that knife (I don't care what knife gets used... I just found some humor that the turn around was THAT quickly. It must REALLY be her favorite knife!). That's when the waterworks really began to flow. I didn't know where I could go and just cry myself out. I thought about the bathroom... but the dog was taking up residence next to the toilet. I thought about Stephen's and my bedroom. But, I wanted to make sure not to bother Stephen and his area (hence avoided our bedroom). I decided to sit in the living room, tears streaming down my face, red-faced, facing the windows in the back. i figured my MIL and niece would be busy in the kitchen long enough for me to cry it out, get over it, and I'd be fine. When do plans ever work THAT neatly? They joined me in the living room after about 5 minutes and whereas I might have "fooled" my niece for awhile that I was crying, I didn't fool Jane. Then again, she didn't get up and walk away, either. She kept an eye on me to make sure I was "ok" and just kept talking with Katie while the cat and I cried and tried to get under control. Stephen came up and kissed the top of my head and said he loved me, which got me crying all over again. Poor cat ended up sopping wet and probably is the best crying towel in the world. But, she never left my side the whole crying jag. Silly cat! After 50 minutes, I finally got my emotions in check and was able to get up and finish pre-grilling prep. work. The result. We had a really good family cook-out. Just Jane, Bill, Stephen, Kristen, Mark, Katie, Betty Jane, and myself. We had two kinds of grilled chicken (Lemon Pepper and Southwest marinades), baked beans, macaroni salad, potato salad, a salad, deviled eggs, and mashed potatoes. For dessert, we had a key lime pie. Everyone except Stephen enjoyed their slice of pie. Later that night, as we were trying to drift off to sleep, Stephen apologized for being less than helpful and THEN explained he had a headache and didn't want to complain because it could possibly be as bad as the one I have been living with, in his opinion. I felt bad for him. I told him, all he needed to say was headache. There is not a person in this house who doesn't know how a headache makes you feel. We would have suggested he just chill out and to let us know if we could get him something to make his head feel better. But, no. My silly husband has to make it into a "Your headache is worse than mine, so I won't say anything about it." SIGH!

achy Power Picc User totally exhausted and OUT!

Today... Right Now... Hi!

The highlight of my day today was getting home from several errands and being able to sit down and look at my cousin Ashli's blog. I love being able to sit down and read what is happening back there... especially when I feel as bad as I feel. I am glad things are working out for them and hope that things work out for Nathan and crew.

Today started out with having to run over to Dr. McClain's office. Aetna is obnoxious about referrals. Dr. Shah cannot refer me to another person (no specialist to specialist referrals). So, Dr. McClain requires 48 hours to change referrals to him. So, we had to go over there and deal with that. It just really is a hassle to have to explain why Dr. Shah is doing things and why Dr. McClain should care at all. So, after a brief explaination, a lot of eye rolling, and pulling my file, I was told I could come and get it in 48 hours. I asked which day that exactly would be BECAUSE 48 hours would be Sunday (they are not open Sunday) and they are closed Monday for the holiday. All I got was "Come back in 48 hours!" I guess I'll go back on Tuesday.

After that, we went over to my ex-bank to try to clear up a mess about service fees after I closed all my accounts and changed banks (because I was being service charged to death). They kept charging me service fees for two months after closing the account EVEN when there was no money in said account. Idiots! Got that taken care of without owing them any money. Wasted 30-45 minutes getting it straightened out, though.

We then went to WalMart so Jane could get socks. I enjoyed that trip... but I really was starting to wear out. I'm glad it was a short trip to WalMart.

When we got home, the new neurologist called and scheduled an appointment. I was really glad that this was scheduled and I'm ready to move on.

I keep getting asked about how I feel. In general, I feel very tired and headache-y. I'm just glad that we can do treatments at home.

Today's Lunch and an Update

Today Stephen and went out to lunch at Mimi's Cafe. We very much enjoyed our experience. When we got home, I found out that I will be receiving treatments at home for the next 17 days. I am so happy. Hopefully it will work well.

Update: A Little Bit of Good News... A Little Bit of BLAH

Today was day 25 (according to the baggy) of the IV medication. Because of my frustration with Dr. Shah, I decided to write everything down so I could get everything out and just hand it to the nurses to pass on to her. I think Dr. Shah liked it better to have the written questions. She answered them all. The short term? We are going to go an additional two weeks (14 days) on the Rocephin. We are also arranging to do the treatments at home since I should be starting my "new job" as soon as the drug screen clears. The liver levels? The levels are still too high, but are slowly going down. She is hoping that I start to feel better soon. I still have little confidence in her... but I am hoping (long term) that things clear up soon.

Fatigued PICC user out!

Eight More Treatments in THIS Cycle To Go... Plus Playing Catch Up

Today's treatment, as well as the ones I have not gotten to blog about have been very non-eventful. I have been absolutely worn out and am feeling a tad bit sick... the nurses tell me that this is to be expected from the Rocephin. The guess among the neurologist and nurses is that the treatment will continue another round. Or, at least that is what they are hinting. Yesterday, a very long morning indeed, saw Jane and I traveling to Towson, MD (had to be there at 7 am - took almost an hour to get there from here) - luckily the doctor took us early (at 6:40). Our next stop was to go to Greenbelt, MD (which is on the total opposite side of Laurel) by 8:45 to see the Neurologist. We JUST made it because it took almost an hour and 20 minutes to get there from Towson. After that, we had to rush to make it to Laurel Regional. It was 9:45 by the time we got there and we got "chided" by the office manager for not making it to infusion sooner. But, she backed off as we explained we'd been all over the greater metro area already this morning. Anyway... after about 35 minutes of treatment, we left to get a birthday cake for his birthday boy-ness, Stephen and picked up some steak for me to grill for dinner. I was thinking... ahhhh... now I can rest. No such luck. At 11:30, I get a phone call to tell me that the "Home" improvement place has offered me a full time job (plus benefits). So, they required forms to be filled out immediately (ran over there after lunch) and a drug screening to be accomplished YESTERDAY. So, we got into the car to GO BACK to Greenbelt (where the Drug Screening Lab was), which -round trip plus lab time- took approximately 2 hours and 15 minutes! About 60-70 minutes of that was driving time. Then we came home and I could relax for about three hours before grilling dinner for the birthday dinner. We enjoyed dinner and then I finally got to crash. Cake was eaten around 7:45 and then I could honestly say I don't remember the rest of the evening because I just could not concentrate with my head acting up and I might as well have gone to bed. BUSY, BUSY day!

Today?

Today was a rather non-eventful day. I went with Jane to Ikea where I had their 99 cent breakfast of eggs, bacon, and potatoes. It was quite good... but I hate having to pay 1.35 for a drink. Oh, well.

I got Stephen's birthday gift while we were there. I got him a CD stand and I hope he likes it. He really needs a secure place to put his CDs.

When we got home, I worked on databasing my briefs and typed my lecture notes from last Sunday. Boooooooooooooring.

Ewwww.... OUCH! Day 17

Ok, this title could lead you to this is not my proudest day on the IV infusion route. When I got there this morning, the nurse who was on duty today was a little "out of the loop". He attempted to pull back my dressing to find the "lock" on the PICC line. If he'd asked, I would have told him, this is a PICC line with an internal lock and doesn't have an external locking mechanism. In the process, he pretty much made the dressing useless and would have to replace the dressing entirely... bringing the total of dressing changes this week to a grand total of 4! While removing the rest of this dressing, however, he ripped about a 1/2 by 1/5 inch gash across my arm (bye-bye skin layer!!!). IMMEDIATELY, blood and pus start rushing to the ripped place and start running down my arm. What does this guy do about it. Tells me to wash it off with water when I get home because he doesn't want to deal with it. About the same time as he finishes re-gauzing the PICC line, my drip finishes. Stephen got to read a grand total of 2 pages during the half hour session instead of our normal 10. Guess what? After SIX hours, it IS STILL dripping and oozing pus. SIGH!

Day 16 ended yesterday with a BANG. For my upcoming classes, my computer really doesn't fit the requirements. However, I was hoping to make it last through the first class (since we won't be doing a lot of the extra requirement work this class) and into January before getting a new computer. ESPECIALLY since ALU recommends the purchase of an IPOD for listening to audio versions of classes. My laptop had different ideas last evening. The power pack decided to completely die and make itself electrically unstable to the point electrical tape wouldn't even fix it. I had to decide whether to sink $70 into the sinking ship or purchase new laptop now. In the end, I decided to sink $70 into it. The laptop itself, although 4 years old, is in great shape and work fairly well and will be of use after I get a new one for class. I also purchased my IPOD at the same time I purchased the new power pack (at 8:20 yesterday night from Circuit City). So, after purchasing a $125 law dictionary today (along with the pocket version at an additional $33) and a 16 month calender, I'm ready to start classes. Hopefully I will hear back from the "Home" Improvement place because I think the interview went well.

Leaking Power PICC user out!

Let's See... Is This Day 16?

Yes... I believe today IS number 16 of 28. Today's IV medication hook up was less than eventful. We got there. They hooked me up three minutes after arriving. They took vital signs while I was dripping. And, I was out of there in less than 45 minutes... from the time we hit the door to the time we went back out the door. They asked how I was feeling. I had to admit, for the first time in a long time, I felt "a little" better today headache wise (is about a 6.5 out of 10 instead of the 7 it has been) and that the vision is a "little less blurry" (but still having problems reading out of the textbooks). The nurses seemed a little pleased to hear of the improvement and encouraged me to keep "thinking positively". I am hoping this might mean they are positively thinking that I might start feeling better very soon. Better than they are positive that I feel like roadkill.

Today, since I was unceremoniously fired from UPS, I have an interview with a "Home" improvement center (and recent Olympic sponsor) at 12:30. I am hoping they like me because I really would like to work. I think, as long as I don't have to do any lifting right now, I would be fine. So, I really have my fingers crossed that they may want me. Then, after the interview, I have to "run" over to White Oak and have an MRI for the neurologist so he can rule out some damage caused by the Lyme as to the reason I am still having major head pain. This is scheduled for 2:45. I hope that this all works out well. I have a feeling this is going to be a LONG day.

What Day Is This Again?

Today is who knows what day of IV treatment. I've lost count. (Actually, I think that I have 14 days left, which would make today Day 14.) Anyways, this was a rather non-eventful day at IV treatment *unlike yesterday* where I had to go upstairs to the ward floors to get my treatments and they really acted like they were inconvenienced by my being upstairs. Oh, well. At least I got my treatment yesterday anyway.

Today is also the first day of new student orientation for Law School. It starts at 9:30a. pacific time (12:30 Eastern) and ends at 5:30 pacific (8:30 Eastern). I am not looking forward to it as much as I am looking forward to it. I really have no desire to sit in front of my computer screen all day today and all day tomorrow. But, I have been looking forward to this for a long time (starting law school), so today is "THE DAY". I'll write tomorrow about how it went.

By the way... want to say congrats to the Welsh family on their recent addition. I'm sure she is totally adorable, Ash!

Wednesday... What A Wonderful Day In My Neighborhood

Today, so far, has been very uneventful. Got up early to be at IV infusion center by 8:30. Had treatment and got my dressing changed again (OUCH! It took off skin, too). Other than that... has been a very non-eventful day.

The tree branch is still hanging from our telephone line. Verizon has been out and hasn't fixed it. The county has been back and hasn't fixed it. I swear they are going to leave it there until the line fails completely. SIGH!

I am completely exhausted again today. You will have to forgive me for not writing more. But, I have no energy and am existing on very little sleep. I'll write more tomorrow... promise!

Happy Birthday, Mom!

Hope it was a happy one!!!!

Second Blog Post Today? WOooooah!

After my first blogging for today, I felt bad because it was a long rant about how miserable I felt with UPS deciding that they needed to fire me and because Jane, although kind and mostly compassionate, was being rather pushy. I just needed to go out on a limb and say, "I understand UPS standpoint. They probably are doing the right thing and I told them from the start, I'd understand if they wanted me to resign because this isn't right to keep doing this to them." But, the way they handled it, they really should have a little more.... tact? It isn't like I went out of my way to mislead them. Things happen. We cope. We go on. So, UPS isn't in my future? I'll find some other uses for my brand new work boots (that I cannot return) and my work gloves (I've always wanted my own pair of really nice work gloves!). This also will not stop me from giving it a shot when the PICC line is removed. The worst that can happen? They say a resounding "NO!". How is that any worse than I have now?

This afternoon, after Jane and I ate lunch in a hesitant truce mode, we went to CVS to get a new ace bandage. Jane felt that the self cling ace was a good idea. I'm not so sure. It hasn't even been on an hour to date... is already coming off. But, it wasn't THAT expensive. Maybe it won't be tooooooo bad. But, on our way to CVS, we saw one of my favorite roadside characters... Mr. Golf Club Man! He is this guy who, despite the Prince Georges rules on roadside selling, sells golf clubs out of his car on the county line. He just sits there with a truck full of clubs day in and day out. Where does he get his clubs? Does he find them abandoned? Thrift stores? Buy them from the newspaper/people who don't want them? Are they donated to him by the people leaving golf lessons at the country club? I've always wondered... what is this man's story? Why golf clubs? Does he honestly make money? Since he is on the boarder of two counties, the man can cross over to the other county when the county police visit. But, wouldn't you think Montgomery County would team up with PG and send people out at the SAME time. It isn't like he can walk to Anne Arundel or Howard counties THAT easily. I guess that is one of the negatives of living in the crossroads of four counties in one city.

Hopefully, I'll also cool off and start to accept all that has happened today. I will just have to sit back and listen to Mash and Kristen's Type 53 songs. Or perhaps just sit back and enjoy my new Flogging Molly CD. Or perhaps borrow Stephen's Bishop Allen CD. All three totally different styles of music. But, all of them "mean" something different to me. Type 53 reminds me that, although family means a lot to me, you never know anyone... really know someone... until you listen to them play a set on their MySpace band page. Go Mash and Kristen. Did you know your lead singer sports a mohawk? Flogging Molly reminds me to try new things and, if there is something likable about it, be ready to share why and embrace this new love (I've gotten a T-Shirt and 2 CDs from my SIL. I'm ready to see them in concert... too bad they aren't coming here soon!). And, Bishop Allen? They have taught me that, even if you don't have any idea why you like something, give music a chance and you might find something nice you can say about it. With Bishop Allen, I don't know what that would be. But, there is something "enjoyable" about it... I'll figure it out.

Sometimes We Can Hurt Those We Love The Most: Day 9

Morning, blog-readers. Day nine and counting. But, today's IV was most boring. They couldn't get the drip to work, so they put it on pump. 25 minutes later, I was walking free.

Anywho... back to my prompt for the day. Today was a "Reality" day for me. At 8:45, UPS called to fire me (because they gave me a three week extension... there are no more extensions). They said that when I interviewed, I was Lyme positive and therefore was already displaying symptoms and should have known that I would be unable to work. Plus, after checking with THEIR medical professionals, the IV was "unnecessary" and that they felt I should be able to come back to work NOW. I pointed out that I still have a PICC line and 20 more days of therapy. Pretty much, the word was, "Call us back when you get done. But, don't hold your breath that we'll hire you again. You lied to us about your fitness for duty and we don't rehire people who are dishonest." They seemed to echo every thought I'd had for the last few weeks... blaming myself for everything and wondering why I didn't catch it before. Hence, I have spent a good portion of the morning mentally beating myself up.

The day of discovery continued when Jane informed me that she didn't want to read my law book out loud any more and I would have to use my magnifier. When I attempted to do that, I found that I can only get it to do a few words at a time when it is enlarged to where I can read it. I think Jane is tired of the "helpless" attitude. But, she is pushing me way too hard. I asked her to stop the discussion before I said something I would regret. She pushed it farther. I kept my temper and said that I felt that she was "hitting bellow" the belt when she suggested that I either find a way to make the magnifier work or I quit law school. I AM NOT QUITTING LAW SCHOOL! I was perfectly happy with listening to my text. But, Jane has really hurt me deeply. So much so, I have gone to the safety of the downstairs area as to not shout things I don't really mean as so to hurt her back. And I love Jane too much to belittle her in such a manner when she is doing everything in her power to make things easier for me. I mean, she takes me to my treatments, she helps me put the darn wrap on, she is the voice of reason when I need to talk. But, right now, I cannot handle the UPS thing and trying to find a solution for the law school reading. I was understanding verbally JUST FINE! Why decide to change? I'm logging off before I type something I will regret, too.

Sad PowerPicc user out.

By The Request Of My Mother.... What does your arm look like, Kristin?

First off, thanks to Stephen for downloading this pictures from his mother's new camera. I have been bugging him all day to download the images. When I spoke with my mom today, I tried to explain to her how much room the line and the ace bandage take up. I wanted these images up so my mom could see. So, after dinner tonight, Stephen downloaded these four photos. My mother in law says, at this time, I must give the disclaimer (although there is nothing gross about any of these pictures) "Do not look if you are weak stomached or if you don't like gross things." I personally think she meant Stephen shouldn't look at them (he isn't fond of blood)... but I don't really see anything gross about it. It is my arm... no blood... no pus... no ick. Anyways...

This first phot is a photo of my ace covered arm. You can see the bruise farther down on my arm from about a week ago. The ace covers about 5 1/2 inches up my arm starting at the elbow. And, yes, the clips are twisted. The clips are attached to the ace bandage and we keep getting it wrong side down. Hence, we twist it and clip.

Ok... a second shot of my arm. A little bit more in focus. You can see our side door in the background and the kitchen hood light behind that.

Ok. This photo was taken my Jane (my mother in law) this afternoon. It gives a shot of the whole set up. The blue port is attached to the tube which goes down past that white thing that looks like a butterfly. In reality, that white butterfly is a sticky thing that has prongs that keep the tubes immobile. From the butterfly, you can see a white circular thing. That is directly over where the tubing goes into my arm. The function? No clue... but it looks neat!

A little closer up view of the picc line. Although, a little blurry, you can see the line a little more clearly. The tubing IS purple, in case you were wondering. The first sticker says the PICC was put in on the 5th and the outer covering (which you can barely see) was changed on the 8th. You can see the butterfly piece a little clearer, as well as the white circular cotton thing. The only thing you can't see well is my bruise. You can see a little of the discoloration off to the right of the white circle... but it is that color or darker on the underside of the circles and onto the back of my arm.

Well, Mom... I hope this was what you wanted to see. My arm... My PICC... my bruising. Yes, these are really of me. Jane took them today. No flames if it makes you feel a little sick. :)

Day 7 and 8: What A Beautiful.... Bruise You Have There, Kristin

Once again, I apologize for not updating. Yesterday, although not overwhelming, was a major headache day. I notice, the more the windows are open (allowing allergens to appear), the more my head hurts (and the more stuffed up and drippy I become). One would think, with all the medications I am on for allergies, this would be less of a problem. Sigh! At least it will be warm enough to have the AC back on today.

I decided that, since my phantom blogger has been a little more vocal recently, this blog would go to "registered comments only" mode. At least until my health is a little better. Unfortunately, my phantom blogger has outsmarted the settings again by registering for a wordpad account with a asian email. I want you to know, Phantom Blogger, that I am taking these messages as a personal threat and have contacted the local authorities on this matter. They are quickly closing in on you and I don't think you will find this as funny if and when I press charges.

Both IV drip days have been uneventful. I am starting to get a little sick of yogurt... but that is to be expected when one has to eat two to three containers of it daily. For those of you who have asked, no... not feeling any better today. But I have high hopes that I will wake up one of these mornings soon feeling better.

The topic for today's blog is taken from an observation on of my nurses made the other day regarding my PICC line bruise. It is multi-colored and is actually kinda pretty... in a mutated sunset bruise kinda way. But, so far, PICC line and I are not having too many problems. I will live with it if it can live with me.

Hope all is well with all of you out there in cyberspace. PowerPicc Blogger OUT!

Catch-Up: Day 6 and Day 7

I apologize for not posting yesterday. I was absolutely worn out! Yesterday morning, around 3 am, I woke up and was WIDE awake. Therefore, I was existing on very little sleep yesterday. Not only did I go to IV therapy, but we had an outing to the mall to meet up with my SIL and niece. While there, we checked out various shops... then went to J&P's for lunch. Yum!

Today's session with the IV was a little more painful. Today was gauze change day. THAT HURT! At 7 am, I had an appointment in Towson... so we had to get up early and go. I think this is going to be a "take a pain pill.... conk out" day. I just out and out hurt! As Dr. Shah said yesterday when I presented with a brand new sore throat/swollen glands, " You took three steps forward... why did you just take 4 backwards?" I feel like I just took one more back because my ankles and knee are playing the "How swollen and sore can you be" game. The answer is, I guess, VERY SORE.

PowerPicc user out!

Day 5: Is That All? Piece of Cake!

Today was day 5 of treatment and Dr. Shah came into to talk with me. This is the first time she seemed to be pleased with me, in general. For the first time, she mentioned that the 28 days of IV treatment is "probably just a start" and IV treatment is probably going to be longer. Not unexpected... but nice to hear her say it out loud. My appointment with Dr. Asad is this afternoon (2 pm). I somewhat look forward to this appointment... if only to get some answers about how to get rid of this blasted headache. I feel like the rotating advil/tylenol isn't doing anything. So, maybe Dr. Asad will have some better solutions.

Back to treatment. Although my arm is a little sore from the PICC line (bruised is more like it), the treatment went well. The nurses all were so positive about the line and the treatment went much more smoothly now that the port doesn't require jabbing and hunting for veins. I have to say.... my infusion nurses have been very kind, sweet, and nice. They have gone that extra mile to make me feel safe and supported. I will have to do something nice for them after these treatments are over... I bet they get people doing that a lot, though. My "favorite" nurse was in today and I hope she'll be in when Stephen goes with me tomorrow. She just has this great sense of humor and keeps positive about everything. I was complaining slightly about the insurance company being goofy yesterday. Her reply? "Having all this stuff happen gives you plenty of stuff to write about on that blog of yours!" I was shocked they even knew I blogged. They said that the IV tech mentioned it to them... I guess I said something about the last stick being something I'd have to write about on the blog. It makes me feel good to get a happy greeting from the nurses.... at least they don't think, "Ohh, crud. There's Mrs. Wenzel again!" Or at least they don't say it out loud. PowerPicc wearer OUT!

The Great PICC Line Debate

I forgot to mention in my last post how much help my husband Stephen has been in this PICC line problem. He had a PICC line in 2001 and has been very upfront about having a line. Since Dr. Shah has given me practically no practical help, Stephen was vital to my getting information toward deciding whether this was right for me or not. Thanks, Stephen. I owe you one.

Day 4: PICC and choose

Today has been a very long day. Got up early to get my treatment done so I could get that itchy IV out. When we got to L. Regional this morning, the IV (day three for that one) didn't want to work. I was getting really worried they'd have to dig for a new one. As the tech was putting the tourniquet, the IV started to drip. They took the tape off and the drip was flowing freely. Lucky me... they didn't have to put another in. Dr. Shah came in, and in her non-committal way, said "I'll work on it." Minus the IV, I went home and took a shower (ahhh....clean!!!). After finishing my shower, I got news that Dr. Shah had filled out paperwork for my PICC and I needed to go back to get it. Before we left, we got my mom to put in a call to the insurance company to make sure I didn't need anything special for the PICC. Needless to say, that call was the end of the easy part of my day.

The insurance company was angry that they had no gotten a referral for Dr. Shah yet (Dr. McClain's office DID call them... I was there when they called!!!!). They refused to acknowledge the referrals for the PICC line and Dr. Asad for tomorrow from Dr. Shah. They will ONLY accept referrals made by the PCP. So, after picking up the referral from Dr. Shah's office, had to go see Dr. McClain's office. His receptionist threw a royal hissy fit.... stating that I'd have to wait 48 hours for the referrals like everyone else. I stated I was supposed to get my PICC today.... and they were demanding a referral, too. After much blustering and yelling (by the doctor's office) and begging and pleading (on my part), 20 minutes later, I had referrals.

We immediately called the number to schedule my PICC line insertion. At 1:30 this afternoon, my PICC line (called affectionately by the Howard County General Hospital people "Power PICC") was inserted. It was a textbook insertion and the only major pain I felt was from the lidocane. Now I am starting to feel a little bit of an arm cramp. But, even that is better than those darn 2 to 3 day IVs! My only problem now?? I majorly did TOO much and I need a nap! Oh, yeah. My head and body still hurt, too. :) LymeBlog out! :)

Day 3: Still going strong

Well... today was day three of twenty-eight. It took about an hour to take the IV medicine today. Jane kept me company during the hour. Dr. Shah stopped in and seemed annoyed that I don't feel better yet. She referred me to Dr. Asad, a local neurologist. I have to admit... this whole event is making me feel a little scared. All I want is to feel better. But, I am very tired of being worn out.

Today is the first day that I'm having any adverse side effects of the medicine. Feeling slightly queasy on top of everything. I feel like I am in need for a small nap. Sigh... maybe I'll wake up a little less queasy.

Thanks for the well wishes.

Day 2: Rocephin and Misc. Stuff

As I said, I will blog my progress on the daily IV. But, I also intend on blogging what else is happening in my life. So, if you personally don't want to hear the IV stuff... skip over and enjoy the rest.

Thank you goes out to all those who have expressed concern and compassion for my current difficulties with Lyme. This has been a very trying time and I really do appreciate the encouragement.

Ok... onto day two of Rocephin. Last night, the cat decided that my arm needed "cat love". She decided to work on the bandage and IV tube while I was sleeping and had the tubing almost uncovered by morning. Lucky for me, the IV was still in place. But, to be on the safe side, they still decided to change my IV. After the tech working with me dug the first one for about 2 minutes with no success, she called in another nurse. This one dug another 3 minutes in another spot. THEN went back and dug at the first spot for another 2 before moving onto my left arm. When she saw where yesterday's IV was located, she made the comment, "Oh, yes! This is going to be a difficult one." Then, she proceeded to put in a IV about 2 inches above my yesterday's IV and root at it for about a minute or two before she finally got it. I really was working hard to stay calm... but the pain was overtaking my desire to remain calm, cool, and collected. I asked if we were going to have to do this at least every three days if this would make me a good candidate for a PICC line. The nurse agreed I would be... but warned me that PICC lines come with their own "bad things". I am not saying I really want to be attached to a PICC line... but I am saying with great certainty that I cannot go through being jabbed in the arm multiple times with IV's for 28 days straight. Just think... what if this goes LONGER than 28 days??? NOooooooooooo! Anyways... the treatment went well with minimal burning. I still have a killer headache and my muscles hurt and burn like I hope to never feel again.

I then had a CT scan, by orders of the new infectious diseases doctor, Dr. Shah. The tech decided he wanted to try to make me smile. After I assured him that I was "old hat" at the CT thing and that I was going to get "a little warm" all over... and if I had problems breathing, let him know. He smiled and had me sign the paperwork. The next words out of his mouth were, "Just remember, when you get warm, you may feel like you are need to go to the bathroom. That's normal. It is even normal to feel like you are releasing urine. Although, if you start to feel liquid running down your legs, you probably just peed. That's not normal and we'll have to call in the hazardous waste janitor." Then gave me a killer grin. I had to laugh. He then smiled and said he was so glad he made my day brighter. I had to smile at him again when he was injecting the dye. I thought about what he said when I started to get that "flash warmth" and had to chuckle. So, the CT scan went well and hopefully we will have results soon.

I'd like to take time now to give a virtual hug to some of my family. They had to put their 16 year old cat down. She was a very sweet, loving, friendly cat and my heart goes out to the family. Anyone who has had to put a beloved animal to sleep knows how hard it is to do and how selfless one has to be to stop the animal's suffering when all you want is your little buddy making you feel as happy as they do on a regular basis. I hope, with time, they will be willing to open their hearts to a new kitten or a shelter cat. There are too many animals out there who just need a little love and they have so much love to share.

One last thing... last night, Jane and I decided to sit down and watch a "classic" movie. We chose The Prime of Miss Jean Brody with Dame Maggie Smith in the lead. I can understand why Dame Maggie won the Oscar for her portrayal of Miss Jean Brody, the misguided, eccentric, liberated educator of the 193o's Scotland. Her portrayal makes you both feel love for her character at the same time you realize that, no matter what she thinks she is doing, she is poisoning the minds of her students she is trying to enrich. You can see an educator who, at one time, was the end all to end alls of teachers. The kind of teacher who gives her all to teaching. The problem is... she is no longer at her prime. She is spewing propaganda and exercising loose judgment and poor moral values. She seems to miss the fact that, no matter how much she wants to mold society and the youth of today, she is also suffocating those whom she takes under her wings and trying to control destiny... something that no one has a right to do for another person. I absolutely loved the movie and look forward to viewing it every once in awhile. I have to say, I see a little of Miss Jean Brody in Dame Maggie's portrayal of Professor McGonagal from Harry Potter. I wonder if that is intentional???

Day One: Rocephen

Well, as I sit here, I have my arm IV bandaged. 28 days of Rocephen, to start. So far, tolerating it well. Will probably blog every day to keep updated on how I'm doing. Right now, feel no different.... just exhausted. Kinda hoping Monday brings the decision for a PICC line. This new IV daily is going to be a real pain.... literally.

Holy Blood Brain Barrier, Batman!

For those of you who have been following my blog, you know they suspected I have Lyme Disease (thank you Ticks of America!). Well... the ever icky saga continues....

Yesterday, I went to see my PCP and he was astounded at the fact the ER hadn't called me with my results. My Lyme IGG AND IGM were positive. My new infectious diseases doctor informs me that I probably (lucky me) have contacted Lyme Disease twice and my latest is causing some of the nicer problems (the rash), and the older one is causing the headache (breaking the blood brain barrier anyone?). So, today, at 9 am, I get to go in to start my IV antibiotics. Lucky, lucky, lucky me.

Both doctors are also freaked out because of a couple of my blood tests, too. Last month, my AST level was at 35. Normal is between 10 and 30. They figured they'd redo it this month and not worry so much. IN the ER, the AST level was 110. THEY FREAKED! They might have also freaked because ALK PHOS was at 145 (normal is 42-98) or the ALT was at 194 (normal is 0-31). They are hoping that the Lyme is the reason my levels are going haywire. I'm just plain scared.

So, as I venture towards the Hospital this morning, I realize several simple things. First of all, life is funny. I was so looking forward to my new job which I think I might as well kiss goodbye (despite the fact they are being so kind about the whole thing). A UPS in the bush is worth many DHL's in the hand... or something like that. Second of all, if you put anything in Batman speak, it sounds so much less scary. No... really! When I told Stephen my news yesterday, the only thing I could think of was my title. Maybe I can hope it is affecting my brain, too and that, once out of my system, my brain will think normal thoughts, too.

How Are You Feeling Now, Kristin?

For all of you who have emailed to ask (or all of you who wanted to and haven't yet), I'm hanging in there. I am discovering muscles in my body that I never knew existed. The doctor likened it to having the arthritis of an 80 year old woman. Well, I know my grandmother is older than 80... but she has pretty bad arthritis. If this is how she feels every day, she has, in the last 24 hours, become my biggest hero. You don't know headache or muscle ache until your muscles are spazzing out so badly that you are cramping up and bouncing objects resting against them. I've also learned that painful rashes are much worse than non-painful ones... mainly because of the heat they produce. I have also learned, while sleeping is a good thing, Lyme Disease has found a way to ruin that, too. Every time you move, you are going to wake up in pain. You will be so sweaty that you will change shirts three times a night for 5 days. And, your migraine is going to make you not want to get up in the morning and start the whole experience all over again. But, I am hoping that these problems will get better daily. My head is a TINY bit better than yesterday. But it is still in the top 5 migraine headaches that I have ever experienced. What pain!

Blog at ya later!

Life Learning Lesson #240 - The EKG Sticker

As you read earlier, I was at the local Emergency Room today and found out that I have or "have been diagnosed with (despite blood test not being back yet)" Lyme Disease. While there, you probably also remember I had an EKG. Well, my friends, this experience has created a totally new experience for me. Although I have had my share of EKG's, THIS has never happened to me before. Let me explain...

First of all, I want to state, before leaving the ER, I got the stickers off my leg after Jane reminded me I forgot to take them off. Remember I have a temperature of 101.6 as I type this and am not exactly at my brightest bulb moment.

When we got home, I immediately took my new med and a pain killer, as my head was splitting open. Not a thought in the world was given to removing the 10 more stickers from the EKG. What can I say... MY BAD!!??!! If only I had know what reaction those dang thing have with higher body temperature, I may have just been more motivated to remove those darn stickers soon.

After speaking to my mom on the phone, I went downstairs because something was running down the front of my bra. It was what had been gel from the stickers and was now some kind of, well the best word for it was now, WET STICKY GOO. When my temp. went up again, as it is want to do on occasion recently, the gel became WET, STICKY, and turned into a liquid. This liquid was all over my shirt and shorts and some had dried to my skin... making it VERY hard to separate my skin from shirt... RIP!!!!!!!!

After taking 15 minutes to clean this crud off my body, I came up here to blog about this experience. As I read this to my mother in law, who finds the situation less than blogworthy, I discover this lovely substance IS now stuck to the bottom of my foot and is webbing between my toes. OH GEE! How'd that happen... it travels?????

Life lesson: TAKE stickers from EKG off upon removing gown at Emergency Room. If you don't, you could have a bigger problem than just sticker marks. You could just have a WET STICKY GOO mess!

"So..... You've Got Lyme Disease!"

Ok... many of the people who read my blog probably were unaware that I have been suffering for the last three days with what I thought was the mother of all migraines. My head hurt so badly that it honestly felt like my head was going to crack open. It felt better when I had a spinal fluid leak after my spinal tap several years ago than the head pain I've had in the last three days. The first day, Wednesday, around 1 pm, just before it started to rain heavily, my head started to throb. Jane kindly gave me a Advil Cold and Sinus and, before heading out to my SIL's Books, Cookies, and Conversation meeting (I didn't want to miss another one. My SIL is WAY too important for me to not be there for her), I downed two tylenol in an effort to control that evil throb. I am glad to say that it was a mild annoyance during the Book talk. But, on the way home, it started to kick up again. I took one of my "Vicodin" that I keep in reserve for the REALLY bad head pain migraines and went to bed. I woke up feeling better and felt that we really nailed that migraine before it took over. If only I had known...


The next evening, after a day of working in basement, in which I understand I was a little bit on the "grouchy" side (Ok... another word would fit better... this is a family blog), I noticed that I was getting a really odd rash. It didn't bother me toooooooo much, since I figured it was one of two things. It was either a heat rash or it was some kind of dermo-skin allergy rash. Around 9 pm, I started to feel "funny". Lightheaded, blurred vision, waves of warmth, neck stiffness. Immediately, I went downstairs to take my glucose reading (being hypoglycemic for 20 years, lightheaded is usually my first reaction). It was normal. I, on a whim, took my temp. I couldn't believe my thermometer! 101.6! No way could that be right. I, in general, felt fine. So, I borrowed Stephen's thermometer. 101.7! Hmmmm! Let's find a non-digital thermometer. So, I borrowed Jane's thermometer. As I sat there, I realized I couldn't read the clock. So, I counted to 300 and found Jane to read it for me. In Jane's defense, I don't think she understood HOW much pain I was in with my head. She is a very caring wonderful lady who would never let me unneedlessly suffer. Jane read it as 99.something. I breathe a sigh of relief and settle down to watch the ceiling start sprouting blurry grass.

As I prepared for bed, I grabbed my puke bucket (Hyacinth) - a reference that British Comedy lovers will understand - and went to bed. No stomach awareness moments occurred that night, but the temp., according to Stephen's thermometer, was 102.8, at 3 am. I was getting worried.

The next morning, I was back to normal, temp wise, but still had a lingering headache. I thought that this was starting to get VERY annoying and, perhaps I should go to Urgent Care to get some pain meds. I decided, at that point, since I was schedule to see my family doctor on Saturday, wait it out. My fever was gone... I was fine, right?


AT quarter to 4, I took my temp. again. 101.8! YIKE! We started pushing fluids and gave me aspirin at 4. When we took the temp. right before dinner, after three bottles of water and two full strength aspirin, it was now 102.4! Jane was now looking a little worried. I asked when, if at all, we should start worrying about this temp. I never register a normal temp.! So, to me, this was starting to worry me... especially as my neck was getting MORE and more stiff. Jane told me to wait til Saturday, since I already had an appointment. My Stephen concurred. I wasn't totally sold on this, since I was still getting a little scared, since I start work on MONDAY. But, I trust my family, RIGHT?????


Before bed, my temp. was 102.7. At 3 am, it was over 103! Now, I am getting really freaked. The shower I had before bed and the icee weren't working!!!! And my neck was now feeling worse than my head. And, my head was no picnic. Believe me! FLASH forward to this morning.... at 9:10 am, I walk into the doctor's office. He sees me within 5 minutes of getting in the room and checks my rash that appeared several days earlier and that "mysterious bruise" I'd had for several weeks. Needless to say, my bruise kinda looked like a bullseye. But, with the neck stiffness, I got sent to the ER. L. Regional, here we come!


Before you ask... no, that isn't my bullseye. Mine is in a place that I really cannot show on the internet. But it looked like the very first inside ring level of the one above. Expect mine is perfectly round.

Ok.... back to my story! When we get to L. Regional, we get triaged immediately. They shove a mask on me, put me in a low pressure room, and pretty much quarantine the hospital room. They took an EKG, a chest x-ray, and several LARGE bottles of blood... three of them looking remarkably like large Tabasco bottles ( I was told they were specimen bottles for CBC) - they still were trying to rule out Meningitis. Then, they did a chest x-ray and told me to hang on to see if they were going to have to do a lumbar puncture. EEEEEEEK! Not another one! NEVER! But, I didn't say that. I just started praying VERY hard. Jane stayed with me and read from her Jasper Fforde book (Something Rotten - book 4 in the Thursday Next series). Something about Jane and Emergency Rooms makes her want to read to me and I LOVED every second of it.

In comes the chest xray. Then, after about 2 hours, the doctor comes back and says, "You don't have meningitis. Tests won't be back on Lyme for three days... but..." I leave with a script for an antibiotic, a paper that might as well say, "SO you have Lyme Disease!" that details what it is, how it is treated, symptoms, and how you'll probably feel, and the normal 'if you feel worse' letter.

I want to know... WHY ME? Why three days before the start of my new job do I have to go and get diagnosed with something that may or may not (doctor danced around that one) reduce my headache to the point I can shove boxes on Monday. ACKKKKKK!