The FIRST of Many!

I was sitting at my computer this morning when I received "it". "It" was an email from an old friend. Although my old friend meant well, she included mother in law jokes at the bottom.

-"What's the definition of mixed emotions?
When you see your new mother-in law backing off a cliff in your new Mercedes."

-"Last week my husband and I went car shopping. The salesman asked if I wanted a car with an Airbag. I said, "No thanks. I already have a mother-in-law."

Now, don't get me wrong. These are "kinda" funny, in general. I just don't understand the total disrespect for "Mother In Law". Anyone who knows me knows I have a really great Mother In Law. Jane is a great lady whom I love and respect. Heck, I don't think I could love her more if she WERE my mother! Why can't I log onto the computer and read site after site about people who absolutely adore their spouse's mother! I mean, I looked for about 10 minutes and the best I could come up with was some lady whose Mother in Law makes her husband biscotti and sends her some of her favorite, too. Ummm... Ernie K. Doe it isn't. But, it still seems sad that more people don't have great things to say about their in-laws.

I wish I understood the great Mother In Law debate. Mine is a wonderful person and I would guess that the large majority of MIL are really nice people who just want to see their children happy with the person who makes them happiest. Why would my MIL hate me if I make her son happy? That makes no sense! In my case, my husband (Stephen) makes me happier than I feel I have any right to be. Sometimes I think he could do a lot better than me. But, his mother has never treated me as if I was dirt on her shoes or anything less than worthy.

Before I close this first post, let me share one more MIL story... how I met my MIL for the first time.

I had known my future husband 6 years before I met his mother. I lived in another state and Stephen's relationship with me got the point where he was talking marriage. My parents had met him several times. I had no clue he had never MENTIONED me once to his family (his explanation was that he didn't want to mention something if it were not serious). Two days before my visit, he mentions to his mother that she might want to clean the house because he is bringing home someone to meet her. I cannot imagine how J. must have felt at that moment. Before meeting J., I asked Stephen if his mother would like me (the evil mother in law thoughts had crossed my mind... I wanted to be friends with this woman, if I could). He claimed he didn't know whether she would like me or not. Let me tell you, as a future daughter in law, the last thing you want to hear is that your in laws MAY not like you. And you suddenly wonder what it is about you that they won't like. The day I was to meet J., I was so nervous. I dreaded dinner (in which I had been invited to). I had met everyone else who was important in Stephen's life and they all "assured" me J. would like me. But, I kept thinking Stephen wasn't so sure. Therefore, when I finally did meet the kind J., I made a complete idiot of myself. Or in my own mind, I did. She told me I should have stayed with them (I was staying in a local motel). My response? "Thank you for the offer. But you all need time to discuss me without me being here!" *BANG HEAD AGAINST WALL* What was I thinking?

Needless to say, my mother in law didn't see this as being the unforgivable sin. After I moved to the area, I commuted with her to and from work. She sat by my side during an ER visit after a botched lumbar puncture. She helped me pick out music for the wedding. In general, she went out of her way to be friendly and helpful. I feel lucky to consider her family... as well as one of my friends. I am not always sure she feels the same way about me. But, we have a better relationship than the ones you view on the internet.

Now... if only I could teach my husband how to respond when I ask him if someone will like me!! Or maybe I need to learn how to be confident that people will like me because I'm an ok person!