Part Two: Family, What It Is And What It Isn't

I think I've heard from everyone I possibly offended with my last post to feel that there needed to be some clarification.

Point A: "You called us, as your family, dysfunctional!" - Yes and No. I used the word "dysfunctional" to describe every family... not just my own. Depending on whom you believe, anywhere from 50 to 95 percent of all families have some degree of dysfunction. It really doesn’t matter whether it’s 62 or 71.5 percent. The point is there are more people from dysfunctional families than aren’t. A dysfunctional family is a one in which conflict, misbehavior and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur continually, leading other members to accommodate such actions. Every family has a degree of dysfunctional behavior. No one demonstrates "norms" all the time. Inconsistency and Unpredictability/Mixed Messages/Dogmatic or chaotic parenting (aka: harsh and inflexible parenting )/Perfectionist (parents who "fixate on order, prestige, power, and/or perfect appearances".) are the most kinds of acceptable dysfunction among "normal" families. Sure, I called us "dysfunctional". We aren't Ward and June Cleaver! Today's normal families recognize that dysfunction is not good, but not avoidable. The problem is when it becomes TOO dysfuctional, when safety becomes a concern.

Point B: "You said your husband is your best friend. But, then said that your mother in law is your biggest supporter. What gives?" - My own husband actually also asked this question, too. I meant that my mother in law became my biggest supporter in terms of support via depression. She never turned her back on assisting me and has always taken the time to make sure I was ok... even sacrificing having her space invaded by a needy daughter in law to be - seeing as I sat in her classroom every morning for almost 3 months to keep "safe" and lived in their house for more than that for the same reasons. She put up her crisis poster in her classroom so that students would know how to handle the choices she had been forced to make. Please don't get me wrong. My husband is, and probably always will be, my absolute best friend. I know there is nothing I cannot tell him. I can't say he will always understand or know how to handle it. Since we have been married, he has had to spend a lot of time doing schoolwork and he isn't always the most available person for those reasons. But, what I said was true. She, at this point of time, is the support.. mainly because he can't always be there or because he can't always understand.

Point C: "You said the Wenzel's are dysfunction? I've known them for years. They are not!" - Like I said earlier, all families are dysfunctional in nature. Other than saying something about how people are behind closed doors, perception is not always reality. I tell people that, as much as I adore my cousin Ashli, she being older by 3 months, I often felt "left behind" when stuff would happen for her first. It always seemed as if our grandparents loved them more. That she had the much more flexible parents. But, as an adult, she mentioned that she always liked coming to my house because we could play anywhere... and not worry about stuff getting hurt. And I supposidely had cooler toys. I think she had cooler toys... mainly because she had brothers... but that is neither here or there. What we perceive isn't reality. We also have secrets. Mine is that I am depressed... a lot of people don't know this because I really do "mask" well and rather people who didn't know DON'T ever know. You may think you know who someone is... but trust me... you don't know what goes on in their minds. You don't know what causes them pain.

Family. The concept of consanguinity originally referred to relations by "blood," man people have argued that one must understand the notion of "blood" metaphorically, and that many societies understand 'family' through other concepts rather than through genetic distance. Whether it be a conjugal, consanguineal, matrifocal, family is family. And, as Forest Gump once said, "That's all I have to say about that!"