My Apologies

I truly apologize for my post yesterday. I have be dealing with a really bad reaction to the steroids they gave me for my lung infection. I kept telling them that I have a REALLY bad reaction and get very hostile and somewhat violent when on steroids. They told me they really didn't have any other options. So, 'roid rage runs deeply through my veins. Poor Stephen and Jane are taking the brunt of it. Yesterday, Stephen had not gotten much sleep. So, I pretty much refused to go anywhere via car with him. And, Jane had made some suggestions about going out and doing something. I didn't mind her canceling so much as she tried to shove me off on Bill and Stephen instead of just postponing. I was in a mindset where placing me with the two people I was most in a rage with was not her smartest move. That is right! Stephen and Bill get most of my rage directed at them. I don't honestly think Bill notices a difference. But, it really does hurt Stephen.

I really just want to feel better. I see, in my future, a trip to the ER in Columbia. This is not fair, in my opinion. I just want to feel better. Urgent Care says they can not do anything further. My family doctor is unable, for reasons beyond my understanding, to see me. They *meaning Urgent Care* want me to see a Pulmonary specialist... but they cannot refer me to one... has to be my family doctor who WON'T without seeing me, which he won't. So, Urgent Care tells me my only other option is the ER, get better treatment, and they (the ER) can refer me to a Pulmonary specialist. SIGH! I just want the steroid hell to end and I also want to feel like I can breathe. Wish me luck... and probably need to pray the family gets through this in one piece.

Promises

I have always hated the idea that, in my world, promises made seem to become promises broken. I really dislike when someone says they will do something and it doesn't happen. Usually it doesn't occur for a reason... and I can accept that... but I just really hate that it keeps happening over and over and over again. There are people in my life right now that I should just assume their word means about as much as a steaming pile of dog crap! Sorry.... just really annoyed right now.

I still feel really sick. After my doctor's appt. yesterday, it was suggested by the doctor that my next step is the local ER. I just really hate using the ER as a way to get seen by a specialist faster than how others get it. I wish there were a way insurance companies and doctors could all just get along.

With broken promises and the fact I feel so sick, I am thinking the best thing to do would be to curl up in a ball and just "lose touch" for a short time. I just don't want to do this game any more.

On the subject of in-laws

My husband and I had a conversation late last night/early this morning. What EXACTLY is an in law? Websters defines it as "person related by marriage or by another legal tie". In early documents, particularly pre-1700, in-law might indicate any relationship under the law; i.e., a man's father in law might be his wife's father or might be his mother's husband (step-father). His brother in law might be his sister's husband, his wife's brother, her sister's husband, or his own step- or half-brother!

So, once again, what is an in-law? What part do they play? What was the intended part an in-law should play? I know that in some minds, an in-law is the outcast forced upon a family by a marriage. But, is that a fair judgment? What did the in-law do to become a "cast" off, "NON real" family member? I consider my in laws to be an extension of my family. Matter of fact, I think they ARE my family. My sister and brother in law are great people whom I admire greatly. My grandmother in laws' are great ladies whom I enjoy spending time with. My father in law, knowledgeable as he is, is a wealth of great information. And I enjoy the company of my mother in law. She is smart and friendly and we share a lot of the same interests.

I sometimes feel that the label "in-law" gives the wrong idea of who or what expectations people have. Before I married, I was warned time and time again about how I may like my future in laws then, but wait til I marry. They will morph into heinous, evil shrew like beings who resent my intrusion into their simple family. WAIT A SECOND? Does this mean I don't get to be a family member???? For the record, I am still waiting for the evil shrew people to appear 2 plus years later. I have given up hopes of capturing their likeness to send to the National Enquirer!

Family is family. We can love those who share our blood (as I do my biological mother) as much as we do those who don't (my parents, my cousins, my husband, MIL, FIL, SIL, and BIL). Adoption proves that blood isn't the end all to end alls to defining family. My cousins are just as much my family as I would have been had we shared a blood tie. No one ever treated me differently growing up because of the blood tie. Why should there be a different way to treat people due to a relationship by marriage? End of RANT!

Popcorn Chicken and Tin Man!

As I am still ill (really great cough!), I am not into doing much cooking right now. My Stephen had a fondness for Popcorn Chicken. I really had never tried it before a couple months ago. I put it up there on the orange processed chicken "voluntary" ban I've had since college when I think I was living on the orangish chicken genre. Being ill has caused me to have a new respect for Popcorn Chicken. It is so easy to dump some in a bowl, zap it, and eat! And, that warmth makes me feel nice and comfy. Sad, isn't it!

I just finished grading tests for my mother in law as my Stephen and I compete in a coughing for distance contest (think about this one for a second). I don't know which one of us sounds worse. He sounds like he is coughing up a lung. I just sound like I'm trying to hack up a furrball and cannot breathe. My cough, unlike Stephen's, has a follow up rumble that sounds remarkably like thunder. I am still fighting with the insurance company so I can get follow up because they don't want me to go back to urgent care (my family physician won't see me). Wish me luck!

Did any of you see Sci-Fi channel's mini series Tin Man? I finally finished watching it yesterday. As a L. Frank Baum fan, the show was not a great show. But, if I looked at it as just a mini series... I really enjoyed it. It also gave me an opportunity to try and record using the new DVD player (old one BROKE due a Dark Shadows marathon a couple months ago). The characters in the mini series had recognizable plot traits to the old Wizard of Oz storylines. I did find myself looking forward to watching. I like Alan Cummings, as an actor. I also like Zooey Deschanel (as well as her talented sister Emily and mother Mary Jo). I would watch a movie with either Alan or Zooey any day.

I hope I feel better soon. It is getting harder to get motivated to move when one feels as if they are coughing up a lung.

Canceled Appt. and the Whole Dang Rigmarole

My mother in law called about 45 minutes ago to inform me, due to snow, I needed to call my doctor and cancel my appt. with him this evening. Sometimes I think it would be easier to cut off a body part than to get a call into Dr. A.! I called his voice mail and left a msg for him. I then called the main switchboard to make sure they handed him a paper msg (in case he doesn't check his voice mail). They made me talk to one of his "partners", who said that I was being "lazy" and "am not committed to my treatment". You know what? That hurt! I want nothing to get in the way of getting my treatments and, if the snow hadn't caused my mother in law to want to cancel, we would have been there EARLY.

I really would like to know how much more someone can be committed to their own treatment. I do whatever they ask of me. The family drives an hour ONE WAY to these bimonthly appointments. I just don't get it.

Although, I must admit, I really did need to see the doctor today. We really will have a lot to talk about when the appt. gets rescheduled. I just hope we can all cope until the rescheduled appt.

Argggg!!! Where does the disrespect end?

Back to the rant about the treatment of in laws. My old friend read what I wrote yesterday and sent me yet another bashing mother in law story:

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There was a married couple who were in a terrible accident. The woman's face was burned severely. The doctor told the husband they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was so thin. The husband then donated some of his skin.

However, the only place suitable to the doctor was from his buttocks. The husband requested that no one be told of this, because after all this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever did before! All her friends and relatives just ranted and raved at her youthful beauty.

She was alone with her husband one day, and she wanted to thank him for what he did. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you."

The husband replied, "Oh don't worry, Honey. I get plenty thanks enough every time your mother comes over and kisses you on your cheek!"

This one honestly sickens me. What must we do as a group to rid the world of the negative connotation in law screams to most people. I really don't think I am that unusual that I have in laws that I love and respect. I mean, J. and Bill are good people who deserve to be treated with respect from all that know them. I look forward to time spent with each of them. I look at the story above as helping to feed the negativity and I refuse to not comment on how wrong this is!

For The Love of Poptarts!

Here I was hoping that, by today, this blasted cough/chest tightness would go away. I mean, I just finished a round of steroids and antibiotics. One would think this crackling, hacking, cruddy cough would go away soon. Oh, well. I'll keep taking the Iophen at night and hope that the cough improves daily and NEXT week I can resume my life.

I have decided that, no matter how much I love Poptarts, Sunny D and PopTarts do NOT make a good meal more than once a day. I mean, it isn't like I am using a bad poptart flavor (I like unfrosted Cinnamon). All I wanted, while sick, was to be able to grab something and sit down and eat it. I have discovered that too many poptarts are not a good thing. You start to dread eating them and they begin to taste like the cardboard box the arrived in. I think that poptarts will be off my "diet" once I feel better because I really am at the point I never want to see another one.

My rant for today also includes the fact that I am getting tired of some of the Tony Award Winning Musicals from 1976 to present. I love Broadway. Have been to see Phantom on Broadway more than once/Les Miz once/and saw the Producers on Broadway sitting next to my husband's grandmother. Speaking of the Producers and Stephen's grandmother... I still get a kick out of the fact her favorite part was the "mock risque" behind the sofa sex scene between Leo and Ulla. The joy of the musical was listening to her talk about why she liked it. Anyway, back to my rant. I like Avenue Q and Putnam County Spelling Bee music. But, I am getting tired of constantly hearing "Magic Foot" and "Everyone Is A Little Bit Racist" every time I turn on the Broadway station. From 1976 to present, there have been MANY excellent musicals. I mean, I would expect to hear My Fair Lady (1976), The Mystery of Edwin Drood (1986), and Miss Saigon (1991) along with the "current" winners. But, they focus on the last 5 years despite the channel title. I just want to hear something that is classic, for once.


Stephen's semester finally seems to be winding down. He is turning in projects and papers he has worked on all semester. Graduation seems so reachable. I try to remember what I was thinking when I reached this pregraduation point in my life. I realized quickly that my situation was WAY different. (A) I was working a 60 hour work week as a Intern Teacher. (B) I had already solidified the fact I was graduating... my coursework was DONE! (C) I had more to worry about in how to afford my apartment and food on the pay I got as an intern than graduation. I seem to remember MORE about how I felt at this point in getting my Masters. I was so ready for it to be over. And I was in the middle of writing a 500 page project/thesis on Reading and Literacy. I just wanted it to be written and get the final grade (was just hoping to maintain the 4.0, too) and march across the stage to get the degree. Hopefully Stephen will enjoy his last semester (Spring) and the walk will come quickly for him.