In a lonely house... on a lonely street.... in a lonely neighborhood... in a lonely town... Oh! You get the point!

As I sit here in the living room, I am not alone. This is for certain. I share this room with a mother-in-law and a father-in-law. Both are as silent as silent can be. No one has said a word in well over an hour. It is like playing the silent game... only everyone seems to be losing out.

Eloise went home today and I have to admit, I am bummed out. She really seemed to brighten the whole house with her presence. I will also admit I am worried about her. Her memory just isn't what it should be... or at least this is what she claims. She is talking about moving herself into a more restrictive setting in the near future to make sure that her needs are being met. There isn't anyone in the world who deserves more happiness than Eloise does. She is a stellar Grandmother-In-Law and she deserves no pain in life. If moving to this new location would bring her happiness and the feeling of security, then I think she should do it. I just worry that she think this is what she should do... and not what she wants to do. No one should do something just to make others happy. Making others happy is good... but it isn't everything. You cannot please all the people all of the time. She needs to concentrate on her! Anyways... I hope her flight went well and that she will be happy to get home. She deserves to be happy.

We saw the Catonsville crew last evening. I was glad to see them. They always brighten my day. Ten and KT, along with Rob, shared pizza from Cici's with us. I feel bad that we all flocked to Ten's house and invaded her living room. But, I hope she was as happy to see us as we were to spend time with her. Hopefully we'll meet up again tomorrow.

Dr. S. and I had a long talk this morning. She decided that I just needed to talk about what was in my head. She laughed when she heard that, despite the fact I can go back to drinking all the hot chocolate I want, I still prefer my TenTin Cocoa. I don't expect to change back. My sister-in-law, the special person she is, sibling of my heart, made me carob hot cocoa with a hint of vanilla flavoring. I say there is none better. I will not go back to regular cocoa easily!

The cat has decided that I make a pretty good cat bed. This, however, means that it is hard to type and I must rely on touch typing skills. She does not seem to understand that her Mommy is not much of a touch typer and that this is not the best place to take a nap. Oh, well. I think this is just her way of telling me to "Move away from the black box". I'll take that as a hint and sign off for the day. I hope everyone is having a much more exciting day than I currently am. Cat pillow out!!!

New Year's Resolution: Part 2

Yesterday, I shared my first 5 resolutions. Today, I plan on sharing my last 5.

Resolution #6: Spend more time with my family. Yes, I know this seems like a no-brainer. But, I really enjoy my whole family. I don't get to see the local family nearly enough... so I want to promise myself I will make more effort to make time to spend with the local groups. Especially my husband's grandmother. I feel bad that we don't get to see her nearly enough when she is less than 10 miles away. AND... I want to get back to see my Ohio family at least a couple times this year. Hopefully, it will because we are getting together for a good reason... not because we have to... but because we want to.

Resolution #7: Lose weight! I want to continue losing weight. Right now, it is very hard when S.G. keeps pushing proteins and carbs. But, one way or another, I will get back in control.

Resolution #8: Reduce debt. No comment there... rather self explainatory.

Resolution #9: Practice the guitar at least twice a week. How can I ever hope to get better, if I don't practice!

Resolution #10: Enjoy life!

New Year's Resolutions

I have been giving it serious thought. I really need to reflect on the past year and make some changes. So, for the coming year, I have made some really good resolutions.


Resolution #1: Improve Time Management - With starting law school, it seems like managing my time has not been easy. I'm either behind or way ahead. If I'm behind, I feel rushed. If I'm ahead, I'm letting other things go. Therefore, my goal is to better manage my time. I mean, there are going to be changes this year (for example, Stephen is soon to be out of school... that alone brings change!). So, I am going to try to manage my time better and STICK with the schedules I make for myself.

Resolution 2: Study harder! I'm not saying I don't already study hard, but I am nowhere need the ideal amount of time needed to memorize law terms. So, I plan on spending more time reading the text, listening to my class on MP3 files, making flashcards for terms, and outlining EVERYTHING. Hopefully, it will be enough to accomplish Resolution #3.




Resolution #3: Pass the Baby Bar. This is pretty self-explanatory. Or, is it? In order to pass the Baby Bar, I have to get an 80 on the essay part and at least a 65 on the multiple guess section. Only 27% of test takers achieve this. To do this, I need to ace Criminal Law (starts at the end of January) and Torts (starts at the end of May). That and I need to become less verbose in my writing. I have to learn to write in a fragmented manner that takes a descriptive paragraph down to the bare bones. I hope I can do this.

Resolution #4: Lose the headaches! There has to be a way! And, if there is... then I will find it.

Resolution #5: Employment! Have to do better than Mystery Shopper.

Tomorrow... Resolutions 6-10!!!

R.I.P: My Goodbye to Ben-Ben Puppy

No... this isn't really a picture of Benny. But, it was the closest photo I could find. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to Benny before J. took him to have him put to sleep on Saturday. I keep trying to figure out how the get past my current stage of grief/guilt. So, I decided, if I couldn't tell him goodbye, I could at least blog it.

Benny bit J's mother on the arm and was demonstrating aggressive behaviors that made us feel, as family, that he was no longer safe to keep. Therefore, instead of trying to find a new home, it was decided it was best to put him out of his misery. He always was so confused after he demonstrated aggression and it was happening more and more often. I mean, he punctured holes in my sweatshirt from jumping at me earlier in the week. But, as much as I was scared of him, and how much I enjoyed him when he was behaving, I somewhat feel guilty about his being put to sleep. Stephen and I were worried, with the idea that we want to have children, having an aggressive dog who bites was a worry. I worry... did I over-react? Major guilt!!

So, wherever you are Benny... I hope it is a happier place. One where you can growl and bite whoever you want and nothing bad ever happens to you. One where there are unlimited tennis balls and as many dog treats as you can eat. We'll miss you, puppy. Gone... but not forgotten.

He WALKED! (and other important thoughts)

I am pleased to say that Stephen walked yesterday in his college commencement ceremony. He will not have his final grades for a few more weeks. However, he had a good grade going into the final and the last project. Therefore, I am optimistic about this being final! I am so proud of him. He really has hung in there despite the negatives of being in college for so long. I welcome him to the "real" world and wish him best of luck on his new world of knowing how to properly select wines and how to purchase life insurance.

On Wednesday, the embryo selection was made and the two healthy ones will be put back on what looks to be Sunday afternoon or late morning. I am a little scared, but I know that if it is meant to be this time... it will be.

Can I admit how sore the egg removal has made me. OUCH!

More later.

Dreams... What Do They Really Mean?

A couple of nights ago, I had a really odd dream. I've already apologized to all those in my dream, so I don't want any of you to think I really want to hurt anyone. I'm just very confused by the dream itself...
--Dream--
I was at a kitchen that was not a kitchen I think I've ever been in. But it felt familiar. Seated around the table were my mom, my husband, my mother-in-law, my father-in-law, and myself. I had been looking up the hours for the local animal hospital. But, I couldn't find it in the phone book. When I closed the book, I was feeling frustrated and stated I couldn't find it. When I said that, my father-in-law stated, "Why don't you try the phone book?" In the dream, I totally lost it and threw the phone book at my father-in-law (I didn't hit him with it... I hope that counts for something) and yelled, "What do you think I've been looking in for the past 10 minutes. You think it is there? YOU FIND IT!"

My mother-in-law, who was calmly sitting there, stands up and grasps my arm. She pulls me off to the side (I remember in the dream, she was really strong... although I doubt I put up any resistance) and says, "It is not acceptable to me that you act like a five year old. Therefore, if you act like a five year old, I will have to treat you like a five year old." She then sent me into the living room and told me I couldn't move until I apologized to my father-in-law. Then, in the background of MY DREAM, I heard an announcer. "Does this situation seem familiar to you? Does this seem to happen to you a lot? Don't be like Kristin! Think before you open your mouth! This has been a public service announcement."

--END OF DREAM---

So, what does this dream mean? I know I have been out of sorts and kinda grouchy lately. But I would not throw anything at someone like that. AND, A public service announcement??? In my own mind, am I saying that I'm acting like a five year old? Is that what I am trying to say? Or was it something else???

What does the dream guide say:

Kitchen: To see a kitchen in your dream, signifies your need for warmth and spiritual nourishment. It may also be symbolic of the nurturing mother. Alternatively the kitchen, represents a transformation.

Family: To see your own family in your dream, represents security, warmth and love. Alternatively, it could mean that you are becoming overly dependent on them, especially if the family members are in your recurring dreams .Consider also the significance of a particular family member or the relationship you have with them.


Anger:

To dream that you are holding or expressing anger, symbolizes frustrations and disappointments in your Self. You tend to repress your negative emotions or project your anger onto others. You need to look within yourself.

Being angry in your dream may have been carried over from your waking life. Dreams can function as a safe outlet where you can express your strong and/or negative emotions. You have some suppressed anger and aggression that you have not consciously acknowledged.


Can you add to this????? I'm lost?

I Feel So....

I wish I knew how to finish the sentence in the topic. I don't exactly know how I feel right now. I know I'm cold. But, I'm often cold. J says I don't dress warmly enough. But, I'm wearing a hooded sweatshirt, wool socks, long pants, and pj bottoms. How much more warmly do I need to get? But, I don't think the sentence finishes with the word "cold".

I also don't think the answer is "sore". We put the first coat of woodwork paint on the FIL's room today. The floor looks beautiful. But, three hours of painting was maybe a little much for me with the shoulder pain and muscle pain I've had. Even saying that, I don't think the sentence ends with "sore", either.

I know I'm also highly frustrated. That might be the right word. I also feel very angry... but I cannot put my finger on the what is making me feel this way.

All I want to do for the rest of my day is sit down here and wish today to be over already!

How sad is that? VERY! I cannot be like everyone else and actually enjoy time to myself... WHY!!!!!!???????!!!!!!! I need to be doing something. But, cannot think of anything I want to do. Ahhhh... now I know!

I FEEL SOOO BORED! :)