Sometimes I Really Wonder...

For the first time in a long time, I feel like I have the required energy to go about my day. This is a good thing, I guess. But, I really wish, with this increased energy awareness I suddenly am regaining, that lack of muscle fatigue would also appear, too. Sigh!

Getting onto the topic of the post for today. Sometimes I really wonder about life. Things don't ever seem to happen the way they should. I have been waiting for over a year for my Workers Compensation case to be finalized, which would allow me the opportunity to go back to work and start having a paycheck again. Last time I checked, I'm not even on the schedule for a hearing, my lawyer has no intentions of doing anything to "get the ball rolling", and the school district has no intentions of paying me back pay until the case is settled. This case COULD be in limbo for a whole additional YEAR! Not sure how Stephen and I plan on living for another year on what he makes, but it is either drop my case or put up with limboland.

Another thing I don't understand is the phantom emailer. That's right. Our family has a phantom emailer. We are receiving odd emails, strange free samples, and vacation information from Midwestern states. The Mormons paid the house a visit last weekend to bring us a Bible. J. very nicely thanked them for coming and explained phantom emailer to them. She didn't take the Bible, though. I thought very bad for these poor guys who trudged out here to "Spread the Word of God" to us. I mean, getting free stuff isn't a crime. But, wasting the time of those poor young witnessing Mormons was cruel. I really wish this would stop.

On the same topic, I don't understand the male portion of the human race right now, either. My husband and father-in-law have gone temporarily ignorant during this holiday season. Neither of them seem to realize how much of a mess they leave in their wake. I have tried to help J. keep the house clean... but these two seem to have made it their mission to self-destruct whatever effort is made to clean. It took me 45 minutes to wash the kitchen floor yesterday. It was painstaking scrubbing. My back hurt for hours after the fact. It took my father in law 5 minutes to have mud, dirt, and dog slobber ground into the floor. FIVE MINUTES to undo 45 minutes of work! How is it possible? My own husband seems to think cleaning does itself and then looks "put out" when I ask for assistance. I sometimes get the feeling that, because I'm home all day and on leave, he thinks because he is a student AND works at Party Co., the greater responsibility should be on me to clean. I personally think if we both spent 15 minutes a day, we'd have things under control. Oh, well. I may never understand men. I love both of the guys though. They make it near impossible not to.

I am hoping that my mother in law follows through on her threat to hide in a room for two days after Christmas. This sounds cruel, at first read... doesn't it? What I mean is, the poor lady has had NO DOWN time since August. She needs some relaxation time for doing NOTHING. I hope she finds some great videos, a nice warm place to read, and just "chills" for a couple days. She needs it BADLY!

Countdown to my parents visit: T-minus 5 days!
Countdown to my grandmother in law getting here: T-minus 2 days!

Sigh!

My husband and I are recovering from our respective bronchial difficulties. It is taking a really long time for both of us. But, with the three inhalers, steroids, and 3rd round of antibiotics (for me alone), I think we might have this one licked this time. For Stephen, he is still angry about Urgent Care (to the tune of 120 dollars) not being covered (Student Health Services wasn't open for him to go) and the 32 dollar box of mucinex Student Health Services gave him this week (along with the information he just has "The flu". I don't know about you, but I doubt he has only the "flu". Nearly a week of 100.4 temp., thick-hacking-deep cough, swollen glands? Oh, well. At least he IS now improving and hasn't held an elevated temp. in over 2 days. His glands are starting to retreat into his neck again, too. We are happy about that!

I FINALLY got into to see a Primary Care Physician! With the Workers Comp. claim, no one was willing to take me on. So, Jane's doctor finally relented and agree to work ONLY on the non-WC related health care. We are so happy that I finally can get the right allergy meds!

My sister in law stopped by yesterday. I was really glad to see her. She brightens up any room she enters. I was sorry to see her leave... but I figure I'll see her a couple times during the holiday season. The holidays are going to be busy around here. I have two doctor's appt. next week, my mother in law's mom is coming from Florida to visit, my parents will appear sometime closer to the holiday, I believe my mother in law is hosting breakfast on Christmas, and 3 of 4 house members are either just off antibiotics or are near finish. I've never seen so many cups of yogurt (Probiotics) in one place in my life. We are ALL downing it like we will never see another cup of yogurt.

Maybe now things can start to go right... hopefully we will all get better and things will start going the way they should.

My Apologies

I truly apologize for my post yesterday. I have be dealing with a really bad reaction to the steroids they gave me for my lung infection. I kept telling them that I have a REALLY bad reaction and get very hostile and somewhat violent when on steroids. They told me they really didn't have any other options. So, 'roid rage runs deeply through my veins. Poor Stephen and Jane are taking the brunt of it. Yesterday, Stephen had not gotten much sleep. So, I pretty much refused to go anywhere via car with him. And, Jane had made some suggestions about going out and doing something. I didn't mind her canceling so much as she tried to shove me off on Bill and Stephen instead of just postponing. I was in a mindset where placing me with the two people I was most in a rage with was not her smartest move. That is right! Stephen and Bill get most of my rage directed at them. I don't honestly think Bill notices a difference. But, it really does hurt Stephen.

I really just want to feel better. I see, in my future, a trip to the ER in Columbia. This is not fair, in my opinion. I just want to feel better. Urgent Care says they can not do anything further. My family doctor is unable, for reasons beyond my understanding, to see me. They *meaning Urgent Care* want me to see a Pulmonary specialist... but they cannot refer me to one... has to be my family doctor who WON'T without seeing me, which he won't. So, Urgent Care tells me my only other option is the ER, get better treatment, and they (the ER) can refer me to a Pulmonary specialist. SIGH! I just want the steroid hell to end and I also want to feel like I can breathe. Wish me luck... and probably need to pray the family gets through this in one piece.

Promises

I have always hated the idea that, in my world, promises made seem to become promises broken. I really dislike when someone says they will do something and it doesn't happen. Usually it doesn't occur for a reason... and I can accept that... but I just really hate that it keeps happening over and over and over again. There are people in my life right now that I should just assume their word means about as much as a steaming pile of dog crap! Sorry.... just really annoyed right now.

I still feel really sick. After my doctor's appt. yesterday, it was suggested by the doctor that my next step is the local ER. I just really hate using the ER as a way to get seen by a specialist faster than how others get it. I wish there were a way insurance companies and doctors could all just get along.

With broken promises and the fact I feel so sick, I am thinking the best thing to do would be to curl up in a ball and just "lose touch" for a short time. I just don't want to do this game any more.

On the subject of in-laws

My husband and I had a conversation late last night/early this morning. What EXACTLY is an in law? Websters defines it as "person related by marriage or by another legal tie". In early documents, particularly pre-1700, in-law might indicate any relationship under the law; i.e., a man's father in law might be his wife's father or might be his mother's husband (step-father). His brother in law might be his sister's husband, his wife's brother, her sister's husband, or his own step- or half-brother!

So, once again, what is an in-law? What part do they play? What was the intended part an in-law should play? I know that in some minds, an in-law is the outcast forced upon a family by a marriage. But, is that a fair judgment? What did the in-law do to become a "cast" off, "NON real" family member? I consider my in laws to be an extension of my family. Matter of fact, I think they ARE my family. My sister and brother in law are great people whom I admire greatly. My grandmother in laws' are great ladies whom I enjoy spending time with. My father in law, knowledgeable as he is, is a wealth of great information. And I enjoy the company of my mother in law. She is smart and friendly and we share a lot of the same interests.

I sometimes feel that the label "in-law" gives the wrong idea of who or what expectations people have. Before I married, I was warned time and time again about how I may like my future in laws then, but wait til I marry. They will morph into heinous, evil shrew like beings who resent my intrusion into their simple family. WAIT A SECOND? Does this mean I don't get to be a family member???? For the record, I am still waiting for the evil shrew people to appear 2 plus years later. I have given up hopes of capturing their likeness to send to the National Enquirer!

Family is family. We can love those who share our blood (as I do my biological mother) as much as we do those who don't (my parents, my cousins, my husband, MIL, FIL, SIL, and BIL). Adoption proves that blood isn't the end all to end alls to defining family. My cousins are just as much my family as I would have been had we shared a blood tie. No one ever treated me differently growing up because of the blood tie. Why should there be a different way to treat people due to a relationship by marriage? End of RANT!

Popcorn Chicken and Tin Man!

As I am still ill (really great cough!), I am not into doing much cooking right now. My Stephen had a fondness for Popcorn Chicken. I really had never tried it before a couple months ago. I put it up there on the orange processed chicken "voluntary" ban I've had since college when I think I was living on the orangish chicken genre. Being ill has caused me to have a new respect for Popcorn Chicken. It is so easy to dump some in a bowl, zap it, and eat! And, that warmth makes me feel nice and comfy. Sad, isn't it!

I just finished grading tests for my mother in law as my Stephen and I compete in a coughing for distance contest (think about this one for a second). I don't know which one of us sounds worse. He sounds like he is coughing up a lung. I just sound like I'm trying to hack up a furrball and cannot breathe. My cough, unlike Stephen's, has a follow up rumble that sounds remarkably like thunder. I am still fighting with the insurance company so I can get follow up because they don't want me to go back to urgent care (my family physician won't see me). Wish me luck!

Did any of you see Sci-Fi channel's mini series Tin Man? I finally finished watching it yesterday. As a L. Frank Baum fan, the show was not a great show. But, if I looked at it as just a mini series... I really enjoyed it. It also gave me an opportunity to try and record using the new DVD player (old one BROKE due a Dark Shadows marathon a couple months ago). The characters in the mini series had recognizable plot traits to the old Wizard of Oz storylines. I did find myself looking forward to watching. I like Alan Cummings, as an actor. I also like Zooey Deschanel (as well as her talented sister Emily and mother Mary Jo). I would watch a movie with either Alan or Zooey any day.

I hope I feel better soon. It is getting harder to get motivated to move when one feels as if they are coughing up a lung.

Canceled Appt. and the Whole Dang Rigmarole

My mother in law called about 45 minutes ago to inform me, due to snow, I needed to call my doctor and cancel my appt. with him this evening. Sometimes I think it would be easier to cut off a body part than to get a call into Dr. A.! I called his voice mail and left a msg for him. I then called the main switchboard to make sure they handed him a paper msg (in case he doesn't check his voice mail). They made me talk to one of his "partners", who said that I was being "lazy" and "am not committed to my treatment". You know what? That hurt! I want nothing to get in the way of getting my treatments and, if the snow hadn't caused my mother in law to want to cancel, we would have been there EARLY.

I really would like to know how much more someone can be committed to their own treatment. I do whatever they ask of me. The family drives an hour ONE WAY to these bimonthly appointments. I just don't get it.

Although, I must admit, I really did need to see the doctor today. We really will have a lot to talk about when the appt. gets rescheduled. I just hope we can all cope until the rescheduled appt.